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v2
Grethel
"I won't," she said, "I won't go back
not this time. To her? To Dad?
It's twice they have abandoned us
to die alone here in the woods
with only two small knubs of bread.
Oh no, that's right, just one, you fed
yours to all those peckish birds.
You said 'don't worry, could be worse'
remember?
And it was.
For days we hungered in the forest
then, like magic, poof! A cottage
of gingerbread and sugar-glass.
We didn't stop to think or ask
but stole a bite. Then stole another.
Might have stolen it to rubble
'til we heard the beldam's voice.
You said 'don't worry, could be worse'
remember?
And it was.
Me a slave and you in chains.
A Christmas goose kept in a cage.
'Feed your brother! Make him fat!'
The witch she had her appetites.
And what did you do? Eat and moan
and trick her with your little bone.
Each time you did I felt her wrath.
You said 'don't worry, could be worse'
remember?
And it was.
I close my eyes. I push here in.
Her clothes catch fire, the flames crimson.
I smell the sizzle of her hair
and blister where I hold the door.
I close my eyes. I hear her scream.
The spit of fat, her feet, kicking
and everywhere the reek of flesh.
Her bitterness made sweet in death."
"Are you alright? Your eyes are red."
"I know, it could be worse," she said.
_____________________
Grethel*
"I won't" she said, "I won't go back.
Not this time. To her? To Dad?
It's twice they have abandoned us
to die alone in the deep woods
with only two small knubs of bread.
Oh no, that's right, just one. You fed
yours to all those peckish birds.
"Don't worry," you said, 'could be worse.'
Remember?
And it was.
Days we hungered in the forest,
then, like magic, poof! a cottage
of gingerbread and sugar-glass.
We didn't stop to think or ask
but stole a bite, then stole another;
we might have stole that house to rubble
until we heard the beldam's voice.
"Don't worry," you said, 'could be worse.'
Remember?
And it was.
Me a slave and you in chains,
a Christmas goose, locked in a cage.
'Feed your brother, make him fat.'
The witch, in all her appetites.
And what did you do? Eat and moan
and trick her with your little bone.
Each day you did I felt her wrath.
'Don't worry,' you said, 'could be worse.'
Remember?
And it was.
I close my eyes. I push her in.
Her clothes on fire, her eyes a flame,
I smell the sizzle of her hair,
my hands burn as I hold the door.
I close my eyes. I hear her scream,
the spit of fat, her feet kicking
and everywhere the reek of meat,
roasting to an awful sweetness."
"Are you alright? Your eyes are red."*
"I know. It could be worse," she said.
(*and Hansel)
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Grethel (v2)
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- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 3514
- Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2016 4:05 pm
Last edited by NotQuiteSure on Wed May 25, 2022 3:40 pm, edited 9 times in total.
What's a knub Not?
Does Grethel equate to Gretel in German?
This reads like a prose narrative, and it works on that level.
Does Grethel equate to Gretel in German?
This reads like a prose narrative, and it works on that level.
"I won't" she said, "I won't go back.
Not this time. To her? To Dad?
It's twice they have abandoned us
to die alone in the deep woods
with only two small knubs of bread.
Oh no, that's right, one crust, you fed
yours to all those peckish birds.
"Don't worry," you said, 'could be worse.'
Remember?
And it was.
Days we hungered in the forest,
then, like magic, poof! a cottage
of gingerbread and sugar-glass.
We didn't stop to think or ask
but stole a bite, then stole another;
we might have stole that house to rubble.....................nice line
until we heard the beldam's voice.
"Don't worry," you said, 'could be worse.'
Remember?
And it was.
Me a slave and you in chains,
a Christmas goose, locked in a cage.
'Feed your brother, make him fat.'
A witch, with all her appetites.
And what did you do? Eat and moan
and trick her with your little bone.
Each day you did I felt her wrath.
'Don't worry,' you said, 'could be worse.'
Remember?
And it was.
I close my eyes. I push her in.
Her clothes on fire, her eyes a flame,
I smell the sizzle of her hair,
my hands burn as I hold the door.
I close my eyes. I hear her scream,
the spit of fat, her feet kicking
and everywhere the reek of meat,
roasting to an awful sweetness."
"Are you alright? Your eyes are red."*
"Don't worry. Could be worse," she said.
-
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 3514
- Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2016 4:05 pm
Hi mac,
thanks for the read.
knub (n.)
"small lump, butt-end or piece," 1560s, probably cognate with Low German knubbe "knot, knob,"
Danish knub "block, log, stump".
- revisions
L06, changed from
Oh no, that's right, one crust, you fed
L24, changed from
A witch, with all her appetites.
L40, changed from
"Don't worry. Could be worse," she said.
.
thanks for the read.
knub (n.)
"small lump, butt-end or piece," 1560s, probably cognate with Low German knubbe "knot, knob,"
Danish knub "block, log, stump".
Variant spellings (Gretel/Grettel/Grethel), you takes your pick.
- revisions
L06, changed from
Oh no, that's right, one crust, you fed
L24, changed from
A witch, with all her appetites.
L40, changed from
"Don't worry. Could be worse," she said.
.
-
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 3514
- Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2016 4:05 pm
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An alternative to lines 37/38
and everywhere the reek of flesh,
her sour life made sweet in death.
Any thoughts?
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An alternative to lines 37/38
and everywhere the reek of flesh,
her sour life made sweet in death.
Any thoughts?
.