A walk in the Garden

[ABC]

Defiant and precious she strode down the gravel path enjoying the crunch-crunch-crunch of gravel under new trainers. Blonde hairs prickled the surface of her elongated legs but she was not of the age to question their presence. She looked forward to the vast sky. It was pre-dusk, a time that lingers for a while during an English summer evening. She noticed the clouds begin to pink and was pleased at the chance to escape the life of the house. She approached a tall dense hedge that scaled to measurements twice her own height. Extending one exploring leg into the deep green she clambered through, pausing briefly to sense the twiggy world inside and recognise that familiar, inedible smell. She emerged the other side, gasping air and decorated in carefree scratches. She was in a flowerbed. The earth was soft and sinking. Suddenly aware that soil was devouring her trainers she braced to leap onto the grass. But something caught her eye. There was an unexpected colour and texture in the soil, half concealed by a wide bush with tiny, bright yellow leaves. Cautiously she pulled aside the foliage and let the image before her flood into her mind. Bones and blood and eyes and brains and guts and slithering, sliding, gliding, eating creatures. Red and black and white. Not much cat at all anymore.

[LeMinh88]

Defiant and precious she[your strategy of not telling it's dog is doable in this short piece, but you wanted the intented shock in the end maybe you should make the dog a delicate creature instead of a "defiant and precious" one] strode down the gravel path enjoying the crunch-crunch-crunch of gravel under new trainers. Blonde hairs prickled the surface of her elongated legs but she was not of the age to question their presence. She looked forward to the vast sky. It was pre-dusk, a time that lingers for a while during an English summer evening. She noticed the clouds begin to pink and was pleased at the chance to escape the life of the house. She approached a tall dense hedge that scaled to measurements twice her own height. Extending one exploring leg into the deep green she clambered through, pausing briefly to sense the twiggy world inside and recognise that familiar, inedible smell. She emerged the other side, gasping air and decorated in carefree scratches. She was in a flowerbed. The earth was soft and sinking. Suddenly aware that soil was devouring her trainers she braced to leap onto the grass. But something caught her eye. There was an unexpected colour and texture in the soil, half concealed by a wide bush with tiny, bright yellow leaves. Cautiously she pulled aside the foliage and let the image before her flood into her mind. Bones and blood and eyes and brains and guts and slithering, sliding, gliding, eating creatures [this is where you shock the reader so you need to really paint this image as vivid as possible. I'm not big on all the gerund unless it matches with a specific bug/creature eating a specific body parts like the eyes, brains, etc.]. Red and black and white. Not much cat at all anymore. [a very cold last sentence. Is this how this particular dog really feel?]

Of course, this story could be cat encounter another dead cat. But with the title, A Walk in the Garden, as in "take the dog for a walk" association is much stronger than a cat taking a walk. If anything, the normal image of a cat is one of napping.

[Susan-Morris3]

Well enjoyed your snap-it of a tale, and very vividly I could see what the girl in the story could see,(I presume it is a girl walking in the garden) a bit of a bored tom boy, young teen maybe ? I was captured by your writing, and left wondering what would happen next. The beginnings of a interesting story I would read. If I was to pick up a book in a shop, read the back cover to get a feel of what it would be about. I would definitely buy this one. x

[peterkiggin]

sounded and read like the beginning of a novel that was written in the mid 19th century , I was almost waiting for the howl of the hound of the baskerville at the end,but don't get me wrong I read it all.