Apparition Hill (Short Story)

[Universal Traveler]

Lost. That’s the word I would use to describe the feeling, infused with the other excruciating emotions which plague my soul. I’ve been feeling a little down of late.

I’m now in the cab, leaving the airport, taking me along these deathly silent, atmospheric roads. As I gaze into the sorrowed desert sand, I remember the story:

"On the 24th June 1981, in a small town called Međugorje, the Blessed Virgin Mary appeared to six Bosnian Croat children on the small mountain Podbrdo, now called apparition hill. Ever since, Mother Mary has been giving them messages to give to the world, her mission being peace and love. Mother Mary continues to appear to the six 'visionaries' to this day, and apparition hill is a worshiped site where people have been known to have experienced all types of paranormal phenomenon and miracles.”

It was too much for me, I had to come and see. A life, riddled with misery, was easy to abandon, just in hope that something may happen. A miracle is what I long for, that will change everything, that will turn my life around. Travelling this far for only hope is rather sad I know, but hope can set you free, and if I hadn’t hope, I would have let the hungry blades lips caress my wrists by now. How am I still here? Survival instinct? Maybe, I don’t know. My each breath is a tiny little battle, one I may soon lose.

Oh good, we’re here now, Međugorje is exactly how I imagined. Right, its time to find that hill, its time to experience a miracle. I find my way, in the autumn’s dusk breeze, as if directed by nature. Slowly, as I head further out, people become less and less, until it is just me. I feel a deep feeling of sadness, more intense than the feeling I have eternally.

It isn’t long before the hill appears, from nowhere, as if placed there at the turn of my head. As I stare at it, I realise, my own icy prison, holds me captive to the warmth of the heart and of the very life that I do not allow myself to live.

Before long, I’m on the very top, I place I’ve only seen in dreams. I close my eyes, relax, and let go of my physical body. I wait in silence, hoping, wishing, believing. I still wait, and after several moments’ muteness in the dead air, I lose faith. Some would call this peace.

Suddenly, from nowhere, appears a mysterious old man, with his back turned to me. He is bald, with white hair around the sides. His clothes, ragged, rapped around a man built on quaint lines. He has an air of kindness about him. I think he may be god, or someone sent from god, he’s certainly not a fragment of normality.

Hello there I say, expecting a reaction, only to hear nothing in return. Could you turn around please I ask, hoping this may prompt movement. I don’t feel scared, or as though I should be over polite. The whole situation is surreal, as if we don’t exist. I feel as though we exist between time, between all physical and astral matter, in synchronization with nothing, bypassing history. A butterfly flutters by, each flap in synchronization with too many clocks, as the earth carelessly rotates, we care too much about time. As time flutters by, we are not one with it.

I find myself way up high, looking across at the view. I’m on a risen lonely hill, my raw emotions feel so true. I find no hope trying to get a reaction from this being, instead, I just ask what I came here for in the first place, I ask him to turn my life around.

I now have a sense of frustration, for yet again, he stands so still with no sensation. I waited, and after a lengthy pause of desperation, the old man said "When you turn your life around for me, I will turn around for you." When I heard these words, I felt the desert smile.

Right, I’ve now the courage to do what needs to be done. I was afraid to do this, I was afraid of sinning, I was scared of all coming to an end, everlasting blackness. But now I’ve got the proof, I’ve got the words from above to push me on with love. I have the freedom to do what has to be done, it just takes guts. Where can I hide when the end is inside me? I'm no coward, but sometimes there isn't any other option.

Unable to live on with such grief and pain
I climbed to the tallest cliff overlooking the sea, in the rain
The rocks below reached upward like loving hands
I stepped over the edge, that's where my tomb stands

Please take my advice, don’t spend life praying for power or miracles, when you have that within yourself. Or you may end up like me, stuck in a parallel reality of regret. However, if you do make the same mistake, out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field...I'll meet you there.

[wildmountainthyme]

hello u.t,
this is quite a heavy but simple story. i felt at times pretty sad, hopeless even? towards the end i felt better, everything has been done, all acts of love, of hate, creativity has made things smaller, we can isolate ourselves from our fellow man, maybe it's me? but some of us, yourself included, try for a smile and a friendly and encouraging word. i sometimes forget i'm human, i can watch my small t.v and see pictures of death and despair and feel nothing, it takes something very special to pierce my bubbled world.
i've drifted, some people do have a soul, some people have to search a little harder for theirs, it is really what is inside that matters.
good write, made me think.
dan