Conservative Deamtime

Any closet novelists, short story writers, script-writers or prose poets out there?
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Amadis
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Sat Jul 02, 2022 5:43 am

The year is 2050, the population is 10 Billion … kangaroos, that is.
Kangaroos are all over the world, from the arid lands of Saudi-Arabia to the German coastline of the Dutch Sea, where all the Saudis live.
The kangaroos hop about eating the tough dry weeds and turn that into protein.

It is 2050, and Greta Thunderberg is one very indignant grey haired refugee now living in the camps atop the Austrian alps.
Yes, she is truly pissed-off, because you know how much she hates Germans.

A beef-burger will set you back 400 Trillion New US pesos and Pepsi LLC is the worlds richest corporation with control of more than a quarter of all the worlds fresh water.
President Ronaldo Trumpando of Mexico and the Middle States, is talking war on Le Federacion Du Quebec to take back Michigan and gain access to the lakes and to those temperate pastures.
(People say that Trumpando is in the pocket of Big Water, but that is just a lie)

So Kangaroos are everywhere, except Australia of course, because there is one environment that not even those hardy macropods can survive. That is the tailings pits of abandoned Uranium mines.

Dear reader, you may be thinking “This is just Republican bashing thinly disguised as satire”, but far from it.
In 2050 The New Republican Party is the greenest of all political movements, why they were the party to introduce the death penalty for lighting an Incandescent Light Bulb.
It is only the most retro-idiological of Democrats that counter-productively protest such sensible measures as the Universal Vasectomy Mandate.
(Why do they protest?, I mean, the procedure is free.)

It is not all doom and gloom in 2050. The Boomer Generation is nowhere to be seen, they mostly wandered off into the desert years ago. After the Coffee-Blight struck, they just seemed to lose the will to live.
It is Gen-Z+ that joyously fill the streets now, riding on their electric scooters with those enormous monster-truck style tyres to traverse the mounds of plastic waste, and the occasional homeless person, that clog the roadways.

The New Republic provides much needed social services to the public.
All children, with a valid vasectomy card of course, can receive a free education at the local Mosque. And Homeopathic Medicine, via Government Subsidy, is available at the same price as Water.

Yes, the price of Water has been in the news of late, but President Trumpando has been working closely with the Centers for Disease Development to perfect the bio-cleanse missile system to pin-point target francophone vowels and so secure water resources for the glorious future of The New Republic.

Witness the enthusiastic response from the record breaking crowds at the Presidents latest rally:
There are those that grumble and moan about the state of the world, and there always has been.
But together we can build a new world, a world as it was in the past.
Once those ungrateful dissenters amongst us are dealt with,
united as one we can take back our Water, and there will be Cow-Burgers for all who serve!


{Raucous applause from the crowd}
Last edited by Amadis on Tue Jul 19, 2022 4:48 pm, edited 5 times in total.
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Lia
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Sun Jul 03, 2022 8:28 am

This is so good, Amadis. I was hooked from the start. I like how you return to the thought again with 'So Kangaroos are everywhere'. The dry humour, which handles bleakness effectively, is nicely balanced throughout the piece with these occasional reprieves, including, 'It's not all doom and gloom'. There's so much to enjoy here and I chuckled often. I don't think it will matter what views the reader might hold, there's something for everyone. One of my favourite paragraphs, among several, was this;

"Yes, the price of Water has been in the news of late, but President Trumpando has been working closely with the Centers for Disease Development to perfect the bio-cleanse missile system to pin-point target francophone vowels and so secure water resources for the glorious future of The New Republic."

Very much enjoyed. I will read it several more times. If I can see anything that might need reworking, I'll be back again.

Lia
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Tue Jul 05, 2022 1:09 pm

Hi Amadis,
lots of fun, lot of kangaroos! But it's a bit muddled, to me.
You've 'dear reader' (Para 5) but you end with {Raucous applause from the crowd}
so is this an article, or some sort of TV program?

I think you could move the Greta paragraph (is she really 'old' at 47?) and have it follow the boomer/gen-z+ paras. (Or, better, cut it entirely, it's not a joke you need.)

Para 7, should 'mosque' be 'madrasah'?
All children, with a valid vasectomy card of course, can receive a free education at their local municipal madrasah (sponsored by HRH Salman's Halal Butchers.)

I thought the implicit sex discrimination throughout worked well. Another reason to banish Greta.

Don't think you've cracked the ending yet. Maybe return to the kangaroos?
(Oh, and who are the 'dissenters'?)

Regards, Not

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Amadis
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Tue Jul 19, 2022 12:58 pm

Lia wrote:
Sun Jul 03, 2022 8:28 am
This is so good, Amadis. I was hooked from the start. I like how you return to the thought again with 'So Kangaroos are everywhere'.
Thanks Lia,
for the encouragement.
I honestly did not know if this kind of insanity would make sense to anyone in the world.

Cheers.
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Amadis
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Tue Jul 19, 2022 1:14 pm

NotQuiteSure wrote:
Tue Jul 05, 2022 1:09 pm
Hi Amadis,
lots of fun, lot of kangaroos! But it's a bit muddled, to me.
You've 'dear reader' (Para 5) but you end with {Raucous applause from the crowd}
so is this an article, or some sort of TV program?

I think you could move the Greta paragraph (is she really 'old' at 47?) and have it follow the boomer/gen-z+ paras. (Or, better, cut it entirely, it's not a joke you need.)

Para 7, should 'mosque' be 'madrasah'?
All children, with a valid vasectomy card of course, can receive a free education at their local municipal madrasah (sponsored by HRH Salman's Halal Butchers.)

I thought the implicit sex discrimination throughout worked well. Another reason to banish Greta.

Don't think you've cracked the ending yet. Maybe return to the kangaroos?
(Oh, and who are the 'dissenters'?)

Regards, Not

·
Hi Not,
I'm glad you read my screed.
We have not discussed for a while.

You raise good points, especially with the maths of Grettas' age (when will that child grow up ;)

To be honest, I don't actually know what this peice is, or is meant to be.
There is not much coherent though in this one.
(A reaction to the mornings Media Stream perhaps?)

There is one thought, that I actually thought, when not just pressing keys on the keyboard.
That thought was, that the Solution to the whole Burger shortage crisis is staring them right in the face.
It is right there in the first line.

You are right bout the ending being missing.
I had to cook burgers for lunch.
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Amadis
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Tue Jul 19, 2022 1:28 pm

NotQuiteSure wrote:
Tue Jul 05, 2022 1:09 pm

Para 7, should 'mosque' be 'madrasah'?
All children, with a valid vasectomy card of course, can receive a free education at their local municipal madrasah (sponsored by HRH Salman's Halal Butchers.)
I'm not sure this is the right way to phrase it either.
As I understand it, a Madrasah is a place of actual learning in science, art, history etc.

That would not do for my vision,
Perhaps only Homeopathic learning should be allowed.

{ Homeopathic Learning: Knowledge so diluted as to be indistinguishable from a complete lack of knowledge. }
NotQuiteSure
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Tue Jul 19, 2022 2:06 pm

Amadis wrote:
Tue Jul 19, 2022 1:14 pm
We have not discussed for a while.
Indeed, good to see you back on the board.

To be honest, I don't actually know what this piece is, or is meant to be.
Start editing, maybe it'll come to you :)
There is not much coherent though in this one.
Maybe not, but there are clear threads and I'm not sure it would take that much effort to weave them into something (coherent may be a bit ambitious :)) entertainingly readable.
(A reaction to the mornings Media Stream perhaps?)
In which case why not present it as the transcript of a segment from a morning show? It seems more than half-way there already.

There is one thought, that I actually thought, when not just pressing keys on the keyboard.
Sound like you're perilously close to bragging.
That thought was, that the Solution to the whole Burger shortage crisis is staring them right in the face.
News of your plight hadn't made it to this side of the world, so had to do a quick search. Burger shortage? Who knew?
It is right there in the first line.
Granted, but at no point do you address the great Lettuce Drought, nor the (provocative) substitution of those missing leaves with cabbage. Dropped the ball there Amadis. There's likely a 'corruption, tip of the iceberg' joke in there somewhere too.

And what about the competition that the Kangaroo Conglomerates will face from the Insect Revolutionaries?

Perhaps only Homeopathic learning should be allowed.
I think (in this context) Homeopathic learning is perfect.
So something along the lines of

The New Republic provides much needed social services to the (tax paying) public; including a free Homeopathic education, to all children with a valid vasectomy card, at any of the Republic's state of the art nu-Education (TM) centres. And remember complementary medicine is, thanks to generous Government Subsidy, available to all in income streams C3-Ff at the same price as Water.

?

(Though, by this time, how much will water cost? Look how far the Saudis have had to move just to be near some.)


Regards, Not

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