Poetry Forum

Posted: **Mon Feb 13, 2017 8:02 pm**

Past the decommissioned boarding houses -
mostly now apartments, mostly versions
of Views of Mourne and Castle, Mourne
this morning touched by snow, wreathed in
the daft assurance of a peasant
wearing a new and beguiling hat -
past the tennis courts, the Peel Sunset
Bowling Club (metaphors begone),
the coast begins, set free from promenade
and sea wall, unfurling itself
the deasil way. On the rocks
the gulls speak fluent fishwife,
although for all I know it might be
good Old Norse, saying the ageless things.
Fish! Creek! Strangers!
Remember this, one shore along: climbing
St Bees' red sandstone paths, the Island laid out
smokily to westward; imagine this
in Connemara, in California, and so on.
(Even the Dutch draw a watery line.)
Always the same, the taking off
into the contemplation of the edge,
the kingdom of white horses
and the ever receding west.

Posted: **Tue Feb 14, 2017 8:38 am**

deasil is a brilliant word (she says, having just looked it up).
This is great. Not sure about

(Even the Dutch draw a watery line.)

where do the Dutch come into it?

Peasants and gulls very good.

Ros

Posted: **Tue Feb 14, 2017 10:06 pm**

Nice image of mountain snow as a peasan't hat. "daft assurance" is a very British phrase, don't hear it in the states, but it certainly fits.

Always the same, the taking off
into the contemplation of the edge,
the kingdom of white horses
and the ever receding west.

That's really well done. I enjoy the jnarration, the "Oh, and by the way..." sense of it. I imagijne the rocky coast to be similar to Main's coast. Well done, R

Posted: **Wed Feb 15, 2017 10:38 am**

Really like this, I like the stream of consciousness of it.

I also didn't get the Dutch on the first pass, but I do now. You're talking about all people everywhere getting contemplative when they look out to the horizon on the sea...

I'm wondering whether the dashed parenthesis is necessary. I can read the sentence structure. You've got a bit aside on L2-6 and then resume the main clause at L7 -- however with the stream of consciousness that I already mentioned, I wonder if you could just have this be a non-hierarchical sequence of ideas... e.g. for me I can work the sentence out, and originally did (wrongly) on the first read, but that's a distraction from the point...

Love the Old Norse seagulls! (Aside: is "gull" related to "ghul"? Because they sound like the spirits of the dead?)

And love the end too...

Ian

Posted: **Sat Feb 18, 2017 5:53 pm**

Ros wrote:deasil is a brilliant word (she says, having just looked it up).

It is, isn't it? New to me too. I had wondered whether I was walking widdershins, established that I wasn't, but got this word - its antonym - as a bonus.

Ros wrote:(Even the Dutch draw a watery line.)

Ian has it.

Thank you, RC!

bodkin wrote:You're talking about all people everywhere getting contemplative when they look out to the horizon on the sea...

Exactly! All those west coasts ...

It is, perhaps, a little convoluted at the start. I should try to unconvolute it.

Cheers all

David

Posted: **Tue Feb 21, 2017 3:53 am**

Very much enjoyed David (the title was a must read for me)

the gulls speak fluent fishwife

gulls/fishwife - is this a familiar association, folktale thing, or an invention? Either way like the notion.

Mourne
this morning touched by snow, wreathed in
the daft assurance of a peasant
wearing a new and beguiling hat

Lovely image.

the coast begins, set free from promenade
and sea wall, unfurling

Can relate to that

best

mac

Posted: **Wed Feb 22, 2017 12:56 pm**

The things that impress me most about this poem is its effective use of repetition, and how effectively you control the rhythm of each line. I may return with more comments later.

Cheers,

Tristan

Posted: **Wed Feb 22, 2017 2:28 pm**

Wow! You've caught the scene and atmosphere exactly and the language of the gulls dead on. I envy you your west facing coast, here we look due north, no Avalons or Lyonesses for us just sea (and ice) to the North Pole.
C.

Posted: **Wed Feb 22, 2017 5:07 pm**

Reading again, not sure (metaphors begone), adds much.

Even the Dutch, then? surely of all people the Dutch would be acutely aware of the edge between land and sea.

Control of the rhythm is great. This is how free verse should be, folks - not necessarily a strict obvious meter but always with that feel of meter and rhythm in the background.

Ros

Posted: **Wed Feb 22, 2017 5:42 pm**

It's a bold and breezy piece. But why only west coasts? Do the other cardinal directions not count?

I'm not keen on "(metaphors begone)" smashing the fourth wall with a Kenneth Williams voice, and it obstructing the flow to "the coast begins".

I'd like more stuff about this coast and foot and path between "deasil way" and "remember this"; more than just the gobby gulls on rocks.

The Dutch part is fluent (may be my favourite bit) but not sure it needs bracketing.

Perhaps: walk/wend/weave/warp a watery line.

Perhaps: domain/realm of white horses.

I believe that Widdershins & Deasil were once a popular music hall double act; although they never successfully toured together.

Posted: **Thu Feb 23, 2017 3:32 pm**

And now voted into "Features"....

Posted: **Fri Feb 24, 2017 7:49 pm**

Macavity wrote:Very much enjoyed David (the title was a must read for me) Great, thanks Mac.

the gulls speak fluent fishwife
gulls/fishwife - is this a familiar association, folktale thing, or an invention? Either way like the notion. Just made it up. Or, rather, that's how it struck me.

Mourne
this morning touched by snow, wreathed in
the daft assurance of a peasant
wearing a new and beguiling hat
Lovely image. Thank you!

the coast begins, set free from promenade
and sea wall, unfurling
Can relate to that Quite. Lots of coast in Wales. Which bit is yours?

best

mac

Posted: **Sat Feb 25, 2017 11:11 am**

bodkin wrote:(Aside: is "gull" related to "ghul"? Because they sound like the spirits of the dead?)

Just spotted that again, Ian! That's a brilliant aside. Our lad has recently watched the whole LOTR trilogy again - in the extended versions, of course - and there is a similarity in sound, isn't there?

Firebird wrote:The things that impress me most about this poem is its effective use of repetition, and how effectively you control the rhythm of each line. I may return with more comments later.

Thanks Tristan.

And thank you, C. Due north has its attractions too, but they must be cold ones.

Ros wrote:Even the Dutch, then? surely of all people the Dutch would be acutely aware of the edge between land and sea.

Yes, very much so, but it is a watery line, not such a well-defined one. Dunes and all that. I like the dunes. No giant sandworms, though. Not that I ever noticed.

Thanks, Crayon. I may be biased towards the west, I agree, but that's where I live. West-facing (although not actually on the coast). I am beginning to wonder about my "metaphors begone", also objected to by Ros.

Crayon wrote:I believe that Widdershins & Deasil were once a popular music hall double act; although they never successfully toured together.

That's them. They did the sand dance.

Antcliff wrote:And now voted into "Features"....

Wow! Thank you, voters. Remember, from now on, it's always PG first. PG first. You're gonna love it.

Cheers all

David

Posted: **Tue Apr 11, 2017 9:03 pm**

Quite. Lots of coast in Wales. Which bit is yours?

Strumble Head in the West, Porthor in the North.

best

mac

Posted: **Thu Apr 13, 2017 4:12 pm**

Macavity wrote:
Quite. Lots of coast in Wales. Which bit is yours?
Strumble Head in the West, Porthor in the North.

best

mac

Great. I shall look them up on Google Earth. Or even in an atlas.

Cheers

David

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