Sonnet: Snooze button

[bodkin]

Snooze button

You got to get up. There is a cold wind blowing.
The risen-sun glows as only pale yellow light.
You should get up. Your clean sheets are clammy now.
It is morning. What have you wrestled from the night?
You want to get up. If your dreams would just release you.
Seems they are increasing lately. How real is this place?
Your habit is to get up, and scour the tiredness from you,
brush your teeth, comb your hair, try to recall your face.

You need to get up. The alarm clock, demanding it,
has never understood that this is not its choice.
You go to get up, but the effort keeps defeating you.
The day won't meet you half way. You lie beneath fright,
tumbled in the waves' flow, trapped at the interface
between the night-song and the cockerel's voice.

[Jackie]

I laughed at this--the progression of guilty thoughts we go through when we're supposed to be taking advantage of the snooze button to get more sleep!

How about using the sestet to develop the ideas beginning from You go to get up ? You seem to have a different thread there, which could include this idea from the octave:

If your dreams would just release you.
Seems they are increasing lately. How real is this place?

Just an idea -

Jackie

[bodkin]

Hi Jackie,

This is actually one I have had around for awhile and but which isn't quite 'there' yet. Yes, I think it is the end that needs developing, and I think your idea is potentially fruitful... it's just how to make it work

I find with sonnets, that they take a long time for that coming together point where you find out what the poem is about. I put that down for the limits and strengths of the form. e.g. you need the turn, you need the end, and where another form can gloss over weakness in those areas, a sonnet can't...

Which is why none of the others I have started for this workshop have come to anything yet...

Thanks,

Ian

[Jackie]

I so much agree with you! Sonnet writing is a real cognitive challenge.

Jackie

[Antcliff]

Hi Ian,

I especially liked the slghtly varied "get up" refrain. Works well.


Minor thoughts....

What is the "night song"?

And I'm not sure what question is really being asked here.."What have you wrestled from the night?"


Seth