Week of First Drafts - Tuesday - Stream of Consciousness

[ray miller]

Stuart, apologies accepted

Raine, I liked this bit "My truth, by all exterior indication, is middle of the road. But on the inside.." Clever. Do you need that last sentence?

Brian, I enjoyed it. bold fantasy and bold misanthropy in the first section is intentional or not?

Ros, liked it very much. Is this your hermit and monk phase?

bodkin, I think you've done this well, the narrative and the commentary alongside. Do you need those capitals?

Pauline, empathy! Thing that strikes me, as someone who rhymes a lot, is that straightforward rhyme is not too well suited to portraying stream of consciousness. So you've done pretty well, I think.

zoot, "are you a comfortable Casanova? I think you know the answer." Liked that and it's a good read, maybe could have been more concrete.

[Ros]

Of the exercises so far, this is the one I would most like to continue working on, so your comments are encouraging.

B.

~

Yes, I think yours is def. worth pursing, Brian, though you are developing a disturbing talent for the yucky image!

Thanks, everyone, for the comments on mine - it's worked much better than I thought it would. That's the interesting thing about exercises - they lead to unexpected stuff.

Ros