http://www.box.net/shared/4h6ud37nh7
I eat the old king's
toast still warm
as he grows colder
by the minute.
The King is dead
long live the King?
Half hoping
my manchild
eagerly smiles.
Ladies..
Let me tell you
of the son
who eavesdrops
at our bedroom
door,
listens for my sighs
(with doleful eyes
that fawn.)
Longs for
a taste
a first glimpse
of love,
romance
a guiding star.
Me.
He is
too young
too straight
too unused
not exciting at all.
Unlike the father
who lay content
in my arms.
I calm him,
my pretender
so softly,
kiss-whisper
"there's no need
no need at all
to weep or wish
for what can never
be yours."
It was all
so very simple
as I packed
my bags
and walked.
Two's Company (three's a triangle) With Audio....
Spot the missing apostrophe, mes. What a difference an apostrophe makes, in fact.
Well this is a bit of a to-do, isn't it, but you describe it beautifully. You make it quietly sensual, like a French film.
I think the short lines work extremely well, and some of them - (with doleful eyes / that fawn) and I calm him, /my pretender / so softly, / kiss-whisper - are fantastic.
I like this a lot.
Cheers
David
Well this is a bit of a to-do, isn't it, but you describe it beautifully. You make it quietly sensual, like a French film.
I think the short lines work extremely well, and some of them - (with doleful eyes / that fawn) and I calm him, /my pretender / so softly, / kiss-whisper - are fantastic.
I like this a lot.
Cheers
David
Wahey! Sometimes my percipience amazes me. It really does. You'd think I'd be used to it by now but no, I just go on amazing myself.mesmie wrote:I wrote this after watching a french film but I cannot remember the title!
Anyway, that's enough about me.
I don't know how you did it, mes, but you've really captured that Gallic quality, which must be very difficult to do. It came over loud and clear.
Cheers
David
-
Holly_Golightly
- Posts: 20
- Joined: Sun Mar 19, 2006 12:52 pm
- Location: Glasgow, Scotland
This is one of my favourite poem's on this forum. Thanks for posting it.
Love the title. Flowed excellent for me. You really do a meaniful write. Nice stuff.
It's amazing how poets can be inspired by so many things it's no wonder sometimes they are called immortals or have been called such in
many ways they're like painters, in fact , I don't see much difference at most. Both paint their picture.
Nice,
DJL
It's amazing how poets can be inspired by so many things it's no wonder sometimes they are called immortals or have been called such in
many ways they're like painters, in fact , I don't see much difference at most. Both paint their picture.
Nice,
DJL
mesmie wrote:I eat the old king's
toast still warm
as he grows colder
by the minute.
The King is dead
long live the King?
Half hoping
my manchild
eagerly smiles.
Ladies..
Let me tell you
of the son
who eavesdrops
at our bedroom
door,
listens for my sighs
(with doleful eyes
that fawn.)
Longs for
a taste
a first glimpse
of love,
romance
a guiding star.
Me.
There are two poems here, Mez. Just saying is all as together I feel it drags on a bit. The later being too explicit hence giving the whole a prosey feel to it. Mind I think the first says it all anyway... well, with a bit more twist and snip here and there it would and should!
2
He is
too young
too straight
too unused
not exciting at all.
Unlike the father
who lay content
in my arms.
I calm him,
my pretender
so softly,
kiss-whisper
"there's no need
no need at all
to weep or wish
for what can never
be yours."
It was all
so very simple
as I packed
my bags
and walked.
J
Ain't it strange how the new audio you've provided with this piece adds a certain depth the solace of words seems not to have communicated so well here.
So then, Mez, the piece needs to be italicised where the subtextual nature of your wondering thoughts take over - me thinks.
I eat the old king's
toast still warm
as he grows colder
by the minute.
(The King is dead
long live the King?)
Half hoping
my manchild
eagerly smiles.
(Ladies..
Let me tell you
of the son
who eavesdrops
at our bedroom
door,
listens for my sighs
(with doleful eyes
that fawn.)
Longs for
a taste
a first glimpse
of love,
romance
a guiding star.
Me.)
He is
too young
too straight
too unused
not exciting at all.
(Unlike the father
who lay content
in my arms.)
I calm him,
my pretender
so softly
kiss-whisper
"there's no need
no need at all
to weep or wish
for what can never
be yours."
It was all
so very simple
as I packed
my bags
and walked.
Just a thought... Freudian slip (Oedipus), maybe?
J
So then, Mez, the piece needs to be italicised where the subtextual nature of your wondering thoughts take over - me thinks.
I eat the old king's
toast still warm
as he grows colder
by the minute.
(The King is dead
long live the King?)
Half hoping
my manchild
eagerly smiles.
(Ladies..
Let me tell you
of the son
who eavesdrops
at our bedroom
door,
listens for my sighs
(with doleful eyes
that fawn.)
Longs for
a taste
a first glimpse
of love,
romance
a guiding star.
Me.)
He is
too young
too straight
too unused
not exciting at all.
(Unlike the father
who lay content
in my arms.)
I calm him,
my pretender
so softly
kiss-whisper
"there's no need
no need at all
to weep or wish
for what can never
be yours."
It was all
so very simple
as I packed
my bags
and walked.
Just a thought... Freudian slip (Oedipus), maybe?
J
Yeah, me too, Mez.
But now it's with sub-text, I can't piss and moan about it dragging on a bit
So now I'll have to pick on something else? Like:
(Ladies..
Let me tell you
of the son
who eavesdrops
at our bedroom
door,
listens for my sighs
(with doleful eyes
that fawn.) ... I think the bold lines here need to go/come after door or son in the S above.
Well, unless the N's infatuated too of course
J
But now it's with sub-text, I can't piss and moan about it dragging on a bit
So now I'll have to pick on something else? Like:
(Ladies..
Let me tell you
of the son
who eavesdrops
at our bedroom
door,
listens for my sighs
(with doleful eyes
that fawn.) ... I think the bold lines here need to go/come after door or son in the S above.
Well, unless the N's infatuated too of course
J