A city sliding serpentine,
the swans upon the Severn stream
towards us sinuous, then curve
away as we draw close. She strokes
the river from our boat, swallows
suicidal dive then bank and soar
the jeopardy to punctuate the canopy.
All is floaty, on the bridges
cars and buses undulate
and shimmer in the summer haze.
Fingers circling tiny eddies,
she whispers to me in italics
the world will not stay straight.
Boat Trip
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Last edited by ray miller on Sun Apr 28, 2024 9:52 am, edited 1 time in total.
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
- camus
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On first read I thought the alliteration somewhat excessive, but no, once read as a whole it slips and slides wonderfully.
Loved the ending:
Anyhow a fine return, good to see you posting, I thought you'd retired!
Cheers
Kris
Loved the ending:
Could be seen as gently humorous, or have darker connotations?she whispers to me in italics
the world will not stay straight.
Anyhow a fine return, good to see you posting, I thought you'd retired!
Cheers
Kris
http://www.closetpoet.co.uk
Hi ray
There's something sensuous about snaky sibilants, but seriously, nice piece.
Nice last line.
Tony
There's something sensuous about snaky sibilants, but seriously, nice piece.
Nice last line.
Tony
Counting the beats,
Counting the slow heart beats,
The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats,
Wakeful they lie.
Robert Graves
Counting the slow heart beats,
The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats,
Wakeful they lie.
Robert Graves
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Thanks both. I'd not realised how alliterative those opening lines are. No, I've not retired, I just forget where I'm supposed to be quite a lot.
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
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- Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2008 10:23 am
Thanks all. I decided, after Phil's comments, that this line would have to go -
and splash the sky haphazardly.
and splash the sky haphazardly.
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
I contemplate such bitter stuff.