The Moon in Other Countries
The bullet train from Osaka to Kyoto
is decked in Hello Kitty gear. And come
from South Korea over misty seas,
we reached the mountains of Japan, inclined
abruptly to the water line and green
as though unpeopled. Clustered at their base,
the islands’ townsfolk. All along the way,
we tracked the Moon above the jumbled tile
and concrete of the cities, riding low.
The Moon was almost full. In Osaka,
where people waited for the train, I fell
into a deep but troubled sleep and dreamt
that I was in Korea. Vertical,
I gazed into the dream world, where the mind
has no firm footing, and I saw the sun
rise in the East as if it were broad day.
In Kyoto then, come morning, as we walked
up past the cherry trees not yet in bloom
onto the temple grounds, Yoshiro said
how he would come tonight to see the Moon
above the cemetery, where the dead
are shy to greet the living, and the shrines
are decked with characters on wooden strips
that lean against the granite. All the ground
was thick with moss, and in the budding trees,
one sensed that Spring is on its way. The Moon
then will be full tonight, and as the cloud
that brings the promised rain thins into air,
the Moon and stars will lift above Kyoto
and the dark hills. The columns on the graves
will cast their shade. The temple gateways too
will be all silver, and the dead will sleep.
The Moon in Other Countries
- CalebPerry
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 3077
- Joined: Wed Jul 11, 2018 11:26 am
I've looked at this poem several times, but wasn't sure I had anything to say. You have posted "travel" poems before -- indeed, you are good at making travel sound interesting. In this case, though, I don't find much that interests me, beyond the fact that you are writing with your signature smoothness. You did this; you did that; you had a reverie; the moon did this; the moon did that; the dead are still dead. Perhaps my problem is that I don't travel much and don't have a consuming interest in other places. (I let public television do my travelling for me.)
I'm not saying I dislike the poem; it just doesn't grab me much. It feels unfocussed to me. Maybe it will grow on me if I keep reading it. Sorry for not being more positive.
I'm going to bed. I'll be back later.
I'm not saying I dislike the poem; it just doesn't grab me much. It feels unfocussed to me. Maybe it will grow on me if I keep reading it. Sorry for not being more positive.
I'm going to bed. I'll be back later.
Signature info:
If you don't like the black theme, it is easy to switch to a lighter color. Just ask me how.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.
If you don't like the black theme, it is easy to switch to a lighter color. Just ask me how.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.
Hi Caleb,
I did this; I did that is I think a pretty good description of most poems in existence! But it's true, this poem wanders along in the way of my meandering pieces. I think that maps some of how the traveler or tourist wanders through the foreign land. It is impressionistic.
Anyway, de gustibus non est disputandum. I'm glad you found the poem smooth and well-executed, and after all, everybody's different, as they say. It would be weird if everyone liked every poem someone wrote. I do like the idea that I have something of the flavor of japan here.
Cheers,
John
I did this; I did that is I think a pretty good description of most poems in existence! But it's true, this poem wanders along in the way of my meandering pieces. I think that maps some of how the traveler or tourist wanders through the foreign land. It is impressionistic.
Anyway, de gustibus non est disputandum. I'm glad you found the poem smooth and well-executed, and after all, everybody's different, as they say. It would be weird if everyone liked every poem someone wrote. I do like the idea that I have something of the flavor of japan here.
Cheers,
John