Version II: Things Fall Apart
The mad have no community.
The brain’s a prison, and its walls
are windowless. Nobody calls.
Nobody visits you can see.
The reason for this suffering
is found in God, that much is clear.
His reasons? Those I cannot hear.
And yet I speak. And yet I sing.
We’ve waited in the dark too long.
When will our Stonewall moment come?
People are speaking. We keep mum.
We’re weak as grass; we could be strong.
It is all well and good to have a go
at what exceeds our strength, but we will fail.
Now let that be a lesson to you: no
person matched with Heaven will prevail.
And that’s my news. We fall beneath the blow.
Now, get back up. Now, live to tell the tale.
Versoin I: Things Fall Apart
The mad have no community.
The brain’s a prison, and its walls
are windowless. Nobody calls.
Nobody visits you can see.
The reason for this suffering
is found in God, that much is clear.
His reasons? Those I cannot hear.
And yet I speak. And yet I sing.
It is all well and good to have a go
at what exceeds our strength, but we will fail.
Now let that be a lesson to you: no
person matched with Heaven will prevail.
And that’s my news. We fall beneath the blow.
Now, get back up. Now, live to tell the tale.
Edited:
“This is the lamb that bears men’s sins.
So, drive him forth," I hear them say.
"In his rejection health begins.
Make fast the gates. Put him away.”
If you live under lock and key
until some doctor lets you go,
you’ve lost your rights. That seems to me
regrettable, but good to know.
Things Fall Apart
Thanks, Phil! I believe that opening line is accurate. Other traditionally disadvantaged communities have had their Stonewall moment. Not the mentally ill, who remain splintered and isolated. The result is that they get no representation, they have missed the bandwagon. As to why that is, that's a harder question. But i have a bit of a go in S1-S2. Oh, and they form perhaps 10% of the population. One might think they merit a voice.
S3 is all about failure. Nietzsche said what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. BS, in my estimation. But I would say wisdom comes from adversity; and failure may build character, in the end. People who have won at every turn in life are not my favorite company.
Oh - I have about five poems left in the MS. I'm wondering what to go with next!
Cheers,
John
S3 is all about failure. Nietzsche said what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. BS, in my estimation. But I would say wisdom comes from adversity; and failure may build character, in the end. People who have won at every turn in life are not my favorite company.
Oh - I have about five poems left in the MS. I'm wondering what to go with next!
Cheers,
John
- CalebPerry
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 3060
- Joined: Wed Jul 11, 2018 11:26 am
I think the reason the mentally ill will never have their Stonewall moment is for the same reason that chronic back sufferers will never march down Fifth Avenue for their rights: our maladies preempt such efforts.
I think the poem is a little too plain-spoken. It needs more lyricism, in my view.
I'm going to bed. Be back later.
I think the poem is a little too plain-spoken. It needs more lyricism, in my view.
I'm going to bed. Be back later.
Signature info:
If you don't like the black theme, it is easy to switch to a lighter color. Just ask me how.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.
If you don't like the black theme, it is easy to switch to a lighter color. Just ask me how.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.
Hi Caleb,
I suspect you are 100% correct about the mentally ill and chronic back pain sufferers.
I'll have a look at the lyricism. I do like terse, matter-of-fact language though, not least when I am questioning God. Just the facts, ma'am!
Cheers,
John
I suspect you are 100% correct about the mentally ill and chronic back pain sufferers.
I'll have a look at the lyricism. I do like terse, matter-of-fact language though, not least when I am questioning God. Just the facts, ma'am!
Cheers,
John
These are the stanzas I connected with most John.The mad have no community.
The brain’s a prison, and its walls
are windowless. Nobody calls.
Nobody visits you can see.
The reason for this suffering
is found in God, that much is clear.
His reasons? Those I cannot hear.
And yet I speak. And yet I sing.
We’ve waited in the dark too long.
When will our Stonewall moment come?
People are speaking. We keep mum.
We’re weak as grass; we could be strong.