Poetry Forum

Version II: Things Fall Apart


The mad have no community.
The brain’s a prison, and its walls
are windowless. Nobody calls.
Nobody visits you can see.

The reason for this suffering
is found in God, that much is clear.
His reasons? Those I cannot hear.
And yet I speak. And yet I sing.

We’ve waited in the dark too long.
When will our Stonewall moment come?
People are speaking. We keep mum.
We’re weak as grass; we could be strong.


It is all well and good to have a go
at what exceeds our strength, but we will fail.
Now let that be a lesson to you: no
person matched with Heaven will prevail.
And that’s my news. We fall beneath the blow.
Now, get back up. Now, live to tell the tale.



Versoin I: Things Fall Apart


The mad have no community.
The brain’s a prison, and its walls
are windowless. Nobody calls.
Nobody visits you can see.

The reason for this suffering
is found in God, that much is clear.
His reasons? Those I cannot hear.
And yet I speak. And yet I sing.


It is all well and good to have a go
at what exceeds our strength, but we will fail.
Now let that be a lesson to you: no
person matched with Heaven will prevail.
And that’s my news. We fall beneath the blow.
Now, get back up. Now, live to tell the tale.


Edited:
“This is the lamb that bears men’s sins.
So, drive him forth," I hear them say.
"In his rejection health begins.
Make fast the gates. Put him away.”

If you live under lock and key
until some doctor lets you go,
you’ve lost your rights. That seems to me
regrettable, but good to know.
 

Of the lessons John, L1 was the most illuminating. Success lacks ambition, which is why I'm happy with failure

Thanks, Phil! I believe that opening line is accurate. Other traditionally disadvantaged communities have had their Stonewall moment. Not the mentally ill, who remain splintered and isolated. The result is that they get no representation, they have missed the bandwagon. As to why that is, that's a harder question. But i have a bit of a go in S1-S2. Oh, and they form perhaps 10% of the population. One might think they merit a voice.

S3 is all about failure. Nietzsche said what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. BS, in my estimation. But I would say wisdom comes from adversity; and failure may build character, in the end. People who have won at every turn in life are not my favorite company.

Oh - I have about five poems left in the MS. I'm wondering what to go with next!

Cheers,
John

I think the reason the mentally ill will never have their Stonewall moment is for the same reason that chronic back sufferers will never march down Fifth Avenue for their rights: our maladies preempt such efforts.

I think the poem is a little too plain-spoken. It needs more lyricism, in my view.

I'm going to bed. Be back later.

Hi Caleb,

I suspect you are 100% correct about the mentally ill and chronic back pain sufferers.

I'll have a look at the lyricism. I do like terse, matter-of-fact language though, not least when I am questioning God. Just the facts, ma'am!

Cheers,
John

I've posted a substantial edit to the poem, version two.

Oh - the title is a quote from Yeats and from Chinua Achebe.

Cheers,
John

The mad have no community.
The brain’s a prison, and its walls
are windowless. Nobody calls.
Nobody visits you can see.

The reason for this suffering
is found in God, that much is clear.
His reasons? Those I cannot hear.
And yet I speak. And yet I sing.

We’ve waited in the dark too long.
When will our Stonewall moment come?
People are speaking. We keep mum.
We’re weak as grass; we could be strong.

These are the stanzas I connected with most John.

Hmm! Thanks Phil. I'd thought S2 was a little tangential, so I remvoed it. I'll stick it back in there!

I've now restored version I as was, just with an added S3.

Cheers,
John

I read S2 in the MS context

True! God does keep popping back in.

Though the final poems are atheist. A breath of fresh air, perhaps!

Cheers,
John

I felt S2, characteristically wry, was an apt stepping stone to S3.

Like the play with news by the way.

Aha! i am wry and I am spry.

Glad you liked the play with news btw. Thanks for your help with the poem!

Cheers,
John