Poetry Forum

Eye of God


Shiva dances in his ring of fire.
His hair flares out around him as he lifts
and turns and gestures, and his leg or arm
comes up to bring creation or destruction
upon the only world we comprehend.

“Truth comes as conqueror.” Now, the red blood
is dancing in our arteries. Our brain
strains to be free. And we might dance like Shiva,
our hair around us. We might watch the world
rise up and fall and perish in the end.


“In death, we are in life.” The grain must die
to be reborn, it ceases to exist.
That’s how it looks above ground, but the eye
of God sees otherwise. He has a list

of all that ever lived on Earth: of each
path taken, every turning of the heart.
He won’t forget. Like flotsam on the beach,
we come to God. We will have played our part.


 

I don't know a lot about Shiva, the Hindu god. What I notice about the poem is that you segue from Shiva to "God", by which I assume you mean the Western god. The first two stanzas sound good together, and the third and fourth stanzas also sound good together. Maybe I'm tired, but I'm not quite seeing the connection among all four.

Hi Caleb,

You are quite right to spot a divide between 1-2 and 3-4, and it's good to hear the two halves work fine on their own. As you know, I work on a sort of kaleidoscopic or jigsaw puzzle or mosaic method, where I assemble bits into what passes for poetry.

Now here, I would argue there is a continuity: it's the idea of seeing day & night, life & death, creation & destruction as two sides of the same coin. Shiva Nataraja exemplifies this perfectly: as he dances, he brings creation and destruction alike, he doesn't distinguish. And I go on to suggest that for God, the distinction between thel iving and the dead is not so easy or relevant: what is above ground or under it, he tracks both. It's a Hindu point of view perhaps.

Cheers,
John

Here is Shiva Nataraja dancing:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nataraja# ... A_edit.jpg

I've slpit the poem in two with an extra space. That may help!

Cheers,
John

I see your point, and the poem makes a little more sense to me now. It's interesting how you rhymed the stanzas 3 and 4, but not 1 and 2. I've seen you do that before.

If two parts of a poem were sufficiently different, I would sometimes use an ellipsis of asterisks (centered between two stanzas) to indicate the division. I can't say why, but the extra space you use just looks to me like a formatting error.

Thanks for coming back, Caleb - it's good to hear the poem makes a little more sense, which suggests to me it hangs together a little better as well.

I know what you mean about the formatting error look, and have dithered on this device. But I've found, printing the MS., that using it throughout the MS. does indicate the various poems' sections, and also looks a little more modern: my work risks looking old-fashioned as is, and some play with typography suggests I am open to innovation. It shows up in maybe 1/3 of the poems.

Also yes, rhymed and unrhymed meet. There's one rhyme though in S1-2 to pull it together.

What do you htink?

Cheers,
John

Like the vivid hair imagery John. we have played our part...I have noticed that thread in other parts of the M/S. A nod to Shakespeare's actor/stage metaphor. My thoughts also went to the self-absorbed nature of madness as opposed to the selfless contribution message in some religious thinking. The consequences of being alive, that wreckage on the shore, was a grim vision as well the boss man with His list!

It has taken me time to adjust to the gear shift in reading your structural choice. I have bought into the approach, mainly as a reflection of the fluidity of experience that cannot be anchored with a singular approach.

Hi Phil,

Yes, the hair! That is Shiva. We have played our part is most definitely a theme – I had a job to do, as part of a team if you like, and I did my best. I spent a few decades playing team sports, that may have factored in there. But it was how I perceived my crazy work. It does feel like Shakespeare, but elsewhere, the sport metaphor is dominant. As you say, self-absorbed vs. selfless, a key theme in the MS.
Wreckage on the shore – yes, I suppose that is grim! It’s how it came to me. And I like your idea that God’s list is grim. I took it from the Mikado in fact – “I’ve got a little list.”
As for the gear shift, I can only hope for sympathetic readers. I do get a few in contests, thank goodness. It is key to my structure, the work is a kaleidoscope. And yes, that for me very much reflects the fractured self being described. Maybe that should be my title!

Cheers,
John

It would be an apt title!

It's got as far as the title of the opening poem now. The MS> is still called Better Angels, which is a Lincoln quote, but I am seriously hesitating!

Thanks for the nudge.

Cheers,
John

John, I just noticed that you asked me a question. I'm off to bed. I'll answer it later today.

The MS. is now called The Fractured Self.

John