A motherless man is always a refugee-
learning acts of kindness from strangers
from the far shores of grief.
Wild garlic sings in his heart
as he walks through the municipal park.
The lost smell of freshly baked bread
becomes the incense of homely churches.
Love making and wine are what
was written in the holy books
after all.
A motherless man has no friends but the dead
and those who died trying to save him.
A motherless man is marked like Cain.
When he goes to his friends’ houses he notices
the doting mother calling childish names to his him,
who is embarrassed when I sing it mockingly back to him
like a carrion crow
though she is dead 45 years.
Bad Moon.
- CalebPerry
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There are some interesting images in the poem.
I'm not sure why the man is motherless, and whether the mother is being blamed for being absent, or whether she is being praised because she is needed. I guess I'm saying that I'm not sure what point of the poem is.
I'm not sure why the man is motherless, and whether the mother is being blamed for being absent, or whether she is being praised because she is needed. I guess I'm saying that I'm not sure what point of the poem is.
Signature info:
If you don't like the black theme, it is easy to switch to a lighter color. Just ask me how.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.
If you don't like the black theme, it is easy to switch to a lighter color. Just ask me how.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.
Thanks for the replies. I agree the first 2 stanzas seem better. Another drawer piece I think
Tony
Tony
Counting the beats,
Counting the slow heart beats,
The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats,
Wakeful they lie.
Robert Graves
Counting the slow heart beats,
The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats,
Wakeful they lie.
Robert Graves
- camus
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Caleb, I'm guessing it's not a specific man! but 'man' as a whole, that irrefutable connection to in-utero and the inevitable search for self once that connection is lost?I'm not sure why the man is motherless
On that note, yes the first stanzas worked well, then you drifted into self=pity...
Definitely one to work one.
Cheers
Kris
http://www.closetpoet.co.uk