Anhedonia

[jisbell00]

Anhedonia


When God in Heaven sat above the world –
when every tree was green and so was I –
all Creation spoke, even inanimate objects.
I found myself being married to my mattress.

This swallowed fifteen years. I was a busy Messiah.
The Christ I announced in French class did not show.
It was mostly wasted time, and to be honest,
after I’m gone, nobody will pick this burden up.

In my reduction to the inorganic –
the day my mattress wed me – there was pain,
but mostly, there was horror. Maybe panic.
Death crept in cell by cell toward my brain.


Just as a wooden stake drives through the heart –
so, God through me. Or like some butterfly
pinned to a board, so I am made to smart.
Or like some bird, to lift into the sky.

I will not draw my love out “with an hook,”
though it may hurt to love at such a cost.
For we must love, thus says my holy book –
and I love both the rescued and the lost.

[Macavity]

Much to enjoy John, including the title. The wedded to a bed was resonant, and the objects that spoke were scary. I enjoyed the dark humour of busy and the announcement. inorganic/panic was a neat rhyme.

[CalebPerry]

I love the last stanza. The rest of it feels like it needs work. I'm not experiencing your usual excellent flow. I haven't scanned the meter, so I don't know if that's the problem. The rhyme, as you know, is uneven.

It's interesting how writing poetry works. I was writing a poem once and the language was flat. It said what I wanted it to say, but the language wasn't "popping". Suddenly I found a new way to approach the subject, with a better opening line, and the poem just started to write itself.

[jisbell00]

Hi Phil, hi Caleb,

Phil, glad you liked the title! It’s a term psychiatrists sometimes throw around when dealing with mental illness. There was a period I was trying to add such titles to the MS. – pressured speech, etc. This one lasted. Yup, the mattress story is true. It was indeed very scary. And yes, all matter spoke. Glad you got the humor in busy, and that you enjoyed that rhyme! I like that one.

Caleb, glad the last stanza works for you! I like the second last as well, those two go together. The opening two stanzas are almost doing their exact job, based on your comment – the piece is called Anhedonia, the inability to feel pleasure, and I want the start to be as dead as possible. I say almost because while they worked, neither you nor Phil remarked that that was my intention! I don’t know how to fix that though. I want the opening to be dead. OTOH, I do want S3 to work – the inorganic-panic stanza. Sorry if that misses for you.

Do I need to ditch the opening? I really enjoyed its deadness.

Cheers,
John

[Macavity]

I hope you don't lose the first two stanzas John, they engaged me, and gave me some insight on the condition.

[jisbell00]

Thank you, Phil, that's a relief! I am quite partial to them and their deadness. Anhedonia. It is the desolation of knowing that all our works, all our dreams of meaning, are trash.

Cheers,
John