Soul (After Zagajewski )

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ton321
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Sat Feb 03, 2024 5:13 am

Version 1

No one talks about it any-more-

the infused glasswork, the musky incense,

the rose tinted silence,

the robes of red and gold

the dangerous humming of religion



In moonlight after the dance,

the secret language of soul has always been silence.




No one talks about it any-more-

the infused glasswork, the musky incense,

the rose tinted silence,

the robes of red and gold

the dangerous humming of religion

in the background like a hornets nest

that wants to eat it up

because that is what it feeds on.


In moonlight after the dance,

the secret language of soul has always been silence.
Last edited by ton321 on Sun Feb 04, 2024 3:05 am, edited 3 times in total.
Counting the beats,
Counting the slow heart beats,
The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats,
Wakeful they lie.

Robert Graves
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Sat Feb 03, 2024 6:40 am

the dangerous humming of religion

in the background like a hornets nest
Spot-on. Like it.
jisbell00
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Sat Feb 03, 2024 7:27 am

I join Phil in liking this. Nice work.

"that wants to eat it up" - is it the soul?

Cheers,
John
ton321
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Sun Feb 04, 2024 3:23 am

Never heard the soul hum... poor you

Tony
Counting the beats,
Counting the slow heart beats,
The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats,
Wakeful they lie.

Robert Graves
jisbell00
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Sun Feb 04, 2024 4:24 am

I'm doing just fine thanks. OTOH your syntax is muddy. But if you like it that way, by all means keep it.

John
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Sun Feb 04, 2024 5:42 am

I liked the 'hornets nest'
ton321
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Mon Feb 12, 2024 2:18 am

Thanks John, Mac

For the response, as John said, in another part of this forum, this Polish poet has a gift for shock, nicely put. He is a bit erudite, sometimes, but even though he is translated, his poetry is reachable.

Churches of France, is one of my favourites.

Not sure what you mean by muddy syntax John

Tony
Counting the beats,
Counting the slow heart beats,
The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats,
Wakeful they lie.

Robert Graves
jisbell00
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Mon Feb 12, 2024 3:43 am

Hi Tony,

Your pronouns have no antecedents. That was my original point, which hasn't changed since. Grammar and syntax.

Cheers,
John
ton321
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Mon Feb 12, 2024 4:46 am

It was as it was intended, antecedent or no antecedent. :D

Tony
Counting the beats,
Counting the slow heart beats,
The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats,
Wakeful they lie.

Robert Graves
jisbell00
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Mon Feb 12, 2024 4:52 am

Sure, knock yourself out. It's a free country.

John
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