Dave of the Antarctic

[camus]

I'm just popping out, I may be some time
His favourite pyjamas; vested torso
tell another story, one I know well.
Ok dear, be careful, it’s started to snow

and I'm in a flurry
but I’m not to blame
for him misplacing his keys or forgetting
my name
or losing at scrabble when he really
shouldn’t
or trying to make love when he really
couldn’t
or getting lost in Tesco
like a hapless child
or being confused about place and time
And that horrible, tragic, sad look on his face
and our awful, inevitable decline…

You’re just popping out, you may be some time
And if you never come home
Is that your sacrifice or mine?

[jisbell00]

Hi Kris,

That opening is one of my favorite quotes of all time. I like the poem, but have trouble getting a handle on Dave's age, if that matters, and your relationship to him.
Do you want Dave of the Antarctic? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scott_of_ ... tic_(film)

Cheers,
John

[camus]

Thanks John,

It's written from the perspective of his wife, if that helps. I did wonder if that was clear enough? Initially I included some clearer signs, but removed them as they weren't really working.

Dave of the Antarctic?

Yes that's better!

Cheers
Kris

[jisbell00]

Hmm. That makes perfect sense, rereading with the knowledge in hand. I guess I wasn't expecting a persona poem. The N could maybe wash something, ro some such, if you want more clarity? I thought with the PJs Dave might be a child.

Cheers,
John

[ton321]

Hi Kris

Great piece, nothing really to quibble about. Scott of the Antarctic meets Tesco -love it. Thought the beginning was better than the ending though, seems a bit neatly tied at the end, but that's just me

Tony

[Macavity]

Like it. Nice title. Forgetting her name feels predictable, but the scrabble game is apt.

[camus]

Thanks guys.

I think the idea for the poem was infinitely more fascinating than the execution:

A guy suffering from dementia written from the perspective of his wife. His potential journey outside - never to return (captain Oates style) and who's sacrifice it really was?

So with that in mind I think both the:

Forgetting her name

and the closure:

You’re just popping out, you may be some time
And if you never come home
Is that your sacrifice or mine?

Were perfectly justifiable.

But on the whole it didn't really work as I'd hoped. One to re-work and concentrate on I think.

Cheers
Kris