The Belly of the Whale
I cannot tell the living from the dead –
their hurts and needs, their incidents, their dream
of something better, something else instead.
Their many sorrows, changing like a stream.
The smokers and the drinkers and the lost –
I think of them. The strugglers with pain,
when hope is precious. And the tempest-tossed,
the sleepers. Now, I see them all again.
This song’s for those who never stood a chance,
who call out from the belly of the whale.
It’s time to bust a move at the school dance!
It’s time to speak! It’s time to tell our tale.
Edited:
When my career was over, and I walked
in to Shalom, we had a customer
who’d say “I’m blessed” if asked about her day.
For nine years, I kept busy there. I fed
some folks and washed some dishes. It felt good
to be of help – to look folk in the eye.
The sun and stars went on their daily round:
I missed the cancer coming up behind:
I met my wife. I beat mortality.
The Belly of the Whale
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ray miller
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 7402
- Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2008 10:23 am
Don't you think the 12 lines of rhyme can stand on their own, without the prologue? I'd have thought so. Not sure about the school dance line, part of me thinks it's naff, another part thinks it might strike the right note.
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
Hi Ray,
Hmm. Well, the prologue matters to me - that was nine years of my life - but you may be right, as poetry I'm not sure it adds all that much to the page. The trouble is, The Opposite of Time is meant to be a narrative of sorts, a telling, in somewhat, perhaps necessarily piecemeal and fragmented fashion, of my madness and its aftermath. SO I am reluctant to slice too much out of that. Mystery is key to poetry, it seems to me, and so perhaps I can leave more things hinted at and nto explained, which is my weakness.
As for the school dance line, I have wondered the same thing. But I am speaking for the dogsbodies, or at least, that's my intention. From the belly of the whale.
Cheers,
John
Hmm. Well, the prologue matters to me - that was nine years of my life - but you may be right, as poetry I'm not sure it adds all that much to the page. The trouble is, The Opposite of Time is meant to be a narrative of sorts, a telling, in somewhat, perhaps necessarily piecemeal and fragmented fashion, of my madness and its aftermath. SO I am reluctant to slice too much out of that. Mystery is key to poetry, it seems to me, and so perhaps I can leave more things hinted at and nto explained, which is my weakness.
As for the school dance line, I have wondered the same thing. But I am speaking for the dogsbodies, or at least, that's my intention. From the belly of the whale.
Cheers,
John
The cut works for me John because the consistency of form/voice/rhythm delivers focus and impact. May I suggest 'shake' rather than 'bust'. Particularly liked the sorrow/stream line. I also liked the connective tissue of song/whale/tale.
Hi Phil,
Thank you for the good word! Yes, now I've tried removing that stanza the poem does seem tighter and more coherent, more poetic even. I am glad to have your confirming voice. Thank you, Ray, for the suggestion!
The sorrows/stream line used to read rolling, which was from the prophet Amos and more recently, MLK Jr. But I like changing. Glad you enjoyed the sonic patterns! I like my new title a fair bit ,as well, though I think it was Orwell's before me.
Oh - bust a move is an American expression.
Cheers,
John
Thank you for the good word! Yes, now I've tried removing that stanza the poem does seem tighter and more coherent, more poetic even. I am glad to have your confirming voice. Thank you, Ray, for the suggestion!
The sorrows/stream line used to read rolling, which was from the prophet Amos and more recently, MLK Jr. But I like changing. Glad you enjoyed the sonic patterns! I like my new title a fair bit ,as well, though I think it was Orwell's before me.
Oh - bust a move is an American expression.
Cheers,
John