Poetry Forum

My school was named after Nicolaus Copernicus,
and the teachers asked us to sing songs about him
halting the Sun and moving the Earth.
But I could not imagine anybody with arms that long
and realized I know nothing about the world.

Jesus was a God and Jesus said that
“there will be signs in the sun, moon, and stars”
and “people will faint from terror,” and
I was one of these people afraid that Copernicus
Changes his mind and pushes the Sun on us.

And this is how the life of a little 7-year-old would have ended,
Crashed in Copernicus’ huge hands, melted, evaporated.
But instead, she lived on to write about the world she grew to know.
The world of constant uncertainties, unrecyclable plastics, and bad pop songs.

The world that forgot that Copernicus’ hands are long enough to smash it.

Like it LB. The impact on the child comes through and is vivid. I like the humour in your work eg those 'bad pop songs' (that element of surprise in a line). Jesus was the God...just a thought.

best

Phil

Brilliant LB. Love the play between juicy mouthfuls of syncopated syllables (Nicolaus Copernicus, unrecyclable plastics) and plainer, shorter words. Also the way the rhythm slips between tetrameters and straight speech as if the pressure to communicate exceeds the bounds of 'poetry'.

Just a couple of typos: In the second stanza 'Changes' - no need for the capital. And in S3 - either a full stop after 'ended' or no capital on 'Crashed'.

Otherwise I wouldn't change a thing.

Best, Jules

Sorry that I've been away for a while.

I really like this poem. You convey the wonder and awe of a child -- and the ensuing adult confusion -- very effectively, very primally. It is a very honest poem.

I love the way you take the poem down to the mundane with "unrecyclable plastics" and "bad pop songs".

This is a poem with hidden depths.

Ah, catholic guilt and confusion!

I do enjoy a poem of which I have no initial grounding. Religion being one of those grounds.

I would say you don't need the third stanza. That stanza is like you are legitimising the rest of the poem, let those first two stanzas say what they say, let the reader do the rest? Perhaps the final line could be kept, that may work?

I only mention this because I myself have a penchant for "closure" in my poems, sometimes, they just don't require it?

Vey much enjoyed
Cheers
Kris