You’ll be in a wood full of
miserable little pensioners
awaiting the waterfall
shuffling like Saigon into
Ho Chi Minh
seamlessly-unrecognising
mostly anything
And there will be no
last hurrahs no bursting of
bras no jiggling
Nothing launched up
into the sunset or the moon
for your voice is dead and gone
Ifyoueverreallyhadone.
When Poetry Leaves You
- CalebPerry
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 3015
- Joined: Wed Jul 11, 2018 11:26 am
I like this. If you are a poet, and your poetry leaves you, your purpose is over. Your poem conveys that very well. I'm living the pensioners' life now, and if my poetry weren't alive, I'd be a mess waiting for the end. I like the way you've pushed all the words together in the last line.
Well done. A very visceral poem.
Well done. A very visceral poem.
camus wrote: ↑Thu Nov 18, 2021 1:29 amYou’ll be in a wood full of
miserable little pensioners
awaiting the waterfall
shuffling like Saigon into
Ho Chi Minh
seamlessly-unrecognising
mostly anything
And there will be no
last hurrahs no bursting of
bras no jiggling
Nothing launched up
into the sunset or the moon
for your voice is dead and gone
Ifyoueverreallyhadone.
Signature info:
If you don't like the black theme, it is easy to switch to a lighter color. Just ask me how.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.
If you don't like the black theme, it is easy to switch to a lighter color. Just ask me how.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.
Entertaining. Like the pile up ending and hurrah/bra.camus wrote: ↑Thu Nov 18, 2021 1:29 amYou’ll be in a wood full of
miserable little pensioners
awaiting the waterfall
shuffling like Saigon into
Ho Chi Minh
seamlessly-unrecognising
mostly anything
And there will be no
last hurrahs no bursting of
bras no jiggling
Nothing launched up
into the sunset or the moon
for your voice is dead and gone
Ifyoueverreallyhadone.
-
- Posts: 30
- Joined: Thu Nov 04, 2021 8:33 pm
I really like the last line. Made the whole poem super entertaining. I also liked the title
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- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 7391
- Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2008 10:23 am
You've still got it, Kris.
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
Twitcher alert: rare visitor in the undergrowth.
I agree with Ray.