Poetry Forum

You’ll be in a wood full of
miserable little pensioners
awaiting the waterfall
shuffling like Saigon into
Ho Chi Minh
seamlessly-unrecognising
mostly anything
And there will be no
last hurrahs no bursting of
bras no jiggling
Nothing launched up
into the sunset or the moon
for your voice is dead and gone
Ifyoueverreallyhadone.

I like this. If you are a poet, and your poetry leaves you, your purpose is over. Your poem conveys that very well. I'm living the pensioners' life now, and if my poetry weren't alive, I'd be a mess waiting for the end. I like the way you've pushed all the words together in the last line.

Well done. A very visceral poem.

camus wrote: ↑

Thu Nov 18, 2021 1:29 am

You’ll be in a wood full of
miserable little pensioners
awaiting the waterfall
shuffling like Saigon into
Ho Chi Minh
seamlessly-unrecognising
mostly anything
And there will be no
last hurrahs no bursting of
bras no jiggling
Nothing launched up
into the sunset or the moon
for your voice is dead and gone
Ifyoueverreallyhadone.

camus wrote: ↑

Thu Nov 18, 2021 1:29 am

You’ll be in a wood full of
miserable little pensioners
awaiting the waterfall
shuffling like Saigon into
Ho Chi Minh
seamlessly-unrecognising
mostly anything
And there will be no
last hurrahs no bursting of
bras no jiggling
Nothing launched up
into the sunset or the moon
for your voice is dead and gone
Ifyoueverreallyhadone.

Entertaining. Like the pile up ending and hurrah/bra.

I really like the last line. Made the whole poem super entertaining. I also liked the title

You've still got it, Kris.

Thanks all

Kris

ray miller wrote: ↑

Mon Nov 29, 2021 2:32 pm

You've still got it, Kris.

Twitcher alert: rare visitor in the undergrowth.

I agree with Ray.

Good grief, I'm not still a moderator, am I? I'd better turn in my badge. I'm keeping my gun.

It's David!

Fliss and Word-Bird wave excitedly together (^v^)

Cool poem, Kris. I particularly like the exuberant 'bursting of bras'

Best wishes,
Fliss

Hi Fliss. Just a fleeting visit for now. Good to see Kris is still producing the good stuff.

David

Thanks all!

And David - you can never leave...