Frida Kahlo (version 11)

[CalebPerry]

Yes, those are better choices.

I feel duty-bound to honor Kahlo by writing a poem which is more than amateurish, so this is a long quest for me.

[Macavity]

Hi Caleb

I feel there is more poetry in version 7 and more biographical explanation in version 8.

Confined to bed,
she defiantly found her voice, one spoken
with her hands.

I read that as a sculptor not painter.

best

Phil

[CalebPerry]

Yup, I slipped back into writing as the biographer, the obituary writer. I'm still trying to grasp her character.

I'll keep working on it, and I won't post every version lest you lose interest.

I still find myself wanting to use "gypsy queen" because that's what she looked like. The term doesn't have to used only for real gypsies, but can be used for people who look like them and live like them -- although Kahlo certainly wasn't nomadic. Her disability kept her at home a lot. Somehow I want to portray her as an iconic Mexican prophet, but can't find the words.

I've just recovered from two weeks of covid omicron; and although it was much more gentle than it might have been, I am so exhausted I can barely do anything.

[CalebPerry]

I'm knocking this to the top because I'll be posting a new version in a day or so, although I'm not happy with that version either. Version 7 isn't bad, especially when I attach the line about the bright clothes (which I have).

Joni Michell has helped me to figure out Frida Kahlo. They are very similar. They both started life with serious health problems (polio for Mitchell, a bloody accident for Kahlo). And although Mitchell recovered from her polio almost completely, she was still confined to bed for an extended period, during which she started to sing. Kahlo's life was more intense, probably because she was in persistent pain and because Diego Rivera played with her emotions for so many years. Mitchell's creative streak lasted about 15 years before she became a mediocre jazz singer. Kahlo's creative streak lasted until her death, which was at 47.

Both Mitchell and Kahlo were deeply creative, and both of them produced art which was beautiful, unique and full of character. Both of them were deeply honest in their work, Mitchell in her lyrics and Kahlo in the ways she portrayed herself in her paintings. Both of them were ambitious, and it is their ambition that probably defines both of them. Kahlo was in a competition with Rivera for most of her life, and I think Mitchell felt she had more to prove because she was a woman, especially as the years passed and she became known for a dozen relationships with men (which wasn't acceptable for a woman back then). Mitchell once described herself in a song as a "chicken scratching for my immortality".

I think that both of them were obsessed with perfection in their own way. Both were beautiful. I don't know if she had a limp, but Kahlo hid her injury under clothes most of her life. Joni Mitchell's polio didn't leave her deformed, but she was nonetheless obsessed with youth and beauty (which, I think, is why she is the only one of the two who grew old -- we always seem to get what we fear the most). When Mitchell was young, she portrayed herself as a perfect beauty, almost nymph-like, while Kahlo painted multiple pictures of her face, which was striking.

But I think that their ambition is what defines them both, and that's what makes them so hard to write about. Both of them provided examples to the world of fearless women who were not going to take second place to men. Both wanted their own fame, and both of them achieved it. What makes them both admirable is the energy and determination with which they pursued their art. Both of them are examples to creative people everywhere, especially to creative women. Both of them followed their muses with absolute integrity. Both of them took chances in their art.

So now that I think I understand Kahlo, let's see if I can write something good about her.

[Macavity]

Some prophets walk among us in bright clothes

The candlesticks on Frida Kahlo’s mantel
were placed unevenly and widely apart,
as if she understood the chasm to be crossed
between the girl who died on the iron spike
and the adult yet to come. She remade herself
in art, a captive world of muffled cries
where perfection still could thrive, becoming then
a queen with unquenchable eyes intent
on staring down the world, as if to say
“This is who I am, the daughter of pain
who managed to endure. Who are you?”

Just a thought Caleb.

best

Phil

[CalebPerry]

Phil, you never liked the "gypsy queen" line, and I don't blame you -- who needs to bring in Romania? Kahlo was, I think, part Mexican and part German. That phrase is only sitting there in revision 7 because I haven't replaced it.

Your edit sounds pretty good to me, and unlike some poets, I don't mind incorporating other people's suggestions in my poems.

You've probably noticed that I haven't produced a new draft, as I said I would. The draft I came up with was written before I had the epiphany involving Joni Mitchell, and I've decided I'm not happy with it. Really, the two women were very much the same: ambitious artists who wanted to make an impact on their chosen worlds (art and music) and who were very much self-involved and thus naturally confessional. Health problems kick-started both of their careers. Kahlo had the added dimension of having identity issues, which is why I think she painted mostly self-portraits. There's no escaping the fact that she was a beauty from the neck up, but had a broken body, and rendering her impressive image over and over again helped her to feel whole again (that's my opinion). With every portrait she was asking, who exactly am I?

So having figured Kahlo out, the question is, how do I put that in a poem? Raw ambition and pain (and, yes, a certain amount of narcissism) are hard to rhapsodize about. Truly, I think version 7 is probably the best, given that her lifelong pain was such a significant thing for her. Did you know that even later in life she continued to paint in bed, lying on her back? I found pictures on the internet.

I'll switch in your words (or similar), and then try to turn version 7 into something more beautiful, and I'll post that when it's ready. Oh, but I think I'll keep the "bright clothes" line at the end, instead of the title.

Thanks for continuing to be interested.

[Macavity]

Phil, you never liked the "gypsy queen" line, and I don't blame you -- who needs to bring in Romania?

[ray miller]

Confined to bed,
she defiantly found her voice, one spoken
with her hands.

Not that I know much about art, but "hands and eyes"?

Love the ending.

[CalebPerry]

That's an interesting suggestion.

Is it the end of version 7 that you like?

Oh, I think you've been looking at version 8. Because Phils prefers version 7, I've been working with that. But version 8 isn't that bad. I'll work with it for a while.

[CalebPerry]

I have now posted version 9, which is similar to previous versions, but a bit more polished. I'm not sure what I want Kahlo to say in the final lines, so I am still working at that.

[Macavity]

Revisiting this poem is like revisiting an old friend Caleb. Friends, of course, change over the course of time. The changes here...(I am comparing with V7)

candlesticks on Frida Kahlo’s mantel
were placed unevenly and widely apart,
as if she understood the chasm to be crossed
between the girl who died on the iron spike
and the adult who managed to survive.

Largely the same, which shows the strength of those lines. The change? managed to endure in the concluding line repeats the same thought, but you said that you are revisiting those lines anyway. managed to survive conveys her struggle and the struggle of many in life. I think that is a good addition. It threads with she remade/herself in art ie how she survived through art and force of personality.

A beauty no longer whole, she remade
herself in art, a medium in which
perfection still could thrive, so becoming
an icon of courage in a dreadful world.
She compels us with her eyes, always dark,

The stanza structure is working for me because it gives pause for thought and focus to the read. an icon of courage in a dreadful world I feel this very much aligns with your world view and the importance of Kahlo in that context. a captive world of muffled cries appealed to my aesthetic, but that is me, and your edit has the assertion of clarity. The stanza succeeds in clearly conveying its meaning and your viewpoint.

She compels us with her eyes, always dark,

always dry, never wet nor able to cry,
like a solder’s no longer moved by death,
and staring down the world, as if to say:

typo - soldier's?

I feel you have succeeded here too with an elaboration on the forcefulness of those 'eyes'. I do miss 'on staring down the world, as if to say' which conveyed her courage. Continuing with that line keeps the focus on the 'eyes'. I added the line in, what do you think?

all the best

Phil

[CalebPerry]

You've given very good advice, Phil. I'll see if I can incorporate the line that I cut that you liked (although also keeping the analogy of the soldier would be difficult). I'm going to keep working on it, of course. I really do think my analysis above was correct, that Kahlo was ambitious, had a deep need to express herself, but also had identity problems. I just don't know how to put those things in a poem without romanticizing them. If I romanticize them too much, the poem stops being true (and this time, the truth of the details matter because everyone knows who she is).

I almost put in "tepid world" instead of "dreadful world". I'm well aware that my natural pessimism colors my poetry in sometimes inaccurate ways. I'm still looking for a better word.

Thank you.

I think it's kind of funny that "solder" slipped through because it is an actual word, so the browser didn't throw in the red hash line to alert me to a misspelling. Ah, technology.

[Macavity]

Nothing wrong with dreadful. It reflects not just viewpoint, but why Kahlo is important to you. To use your word, it makes the poem true and not romanticised. It does not exclude me from the poem.

Phil

[CalebPerry]

The fact that you continue to hold an interest in the poem helps me to hold my interest also. I trust myself that I have a good sense of what sounds right. I'm confident I'll eventually come up with something as lovely as the subject of the poem.

[CalebPerry]

Version 10 is up.

I'm thinking of adding this before the final line, but I'm worried that I'll be gilding the lily, or adding too much icing to the cake:

She looks at us with black eyes, not gray or green,
always dry, never wet nor able to cry,
like a soldier’s no longer moved by death,
from battles of betrayal and disguise.

I still might add a quote to that, but I think the quote in the second strophe says it all.

[Macavity]

Wow...a radical revision Caleb. I like it. The bookends work for me.

best

Phil

[CalebPerry]

Thank you, Phil!

I was struggling how to give Kahlo's story without being too symbolic, and I decided to just let Kahlo say it straight out. Of course, I am putting my words in her mouth, but I doubt she would disagree with them. The insert in italics is free-verse, but it seems to have a musicality of its own. My only concern is that there is a little redundancy in that portion, but I'm choosing to call it "emphasis".

You probably know this, but Kahlo had her bad leg amputated toward the end of her life, and then died soon after. I do believe she couldn't stand the idea of not being "whole".

[Lia]

Hello Caleb,

It's interesting to read through the different versions and arrive at something quite different again with V10. I particularly like the candlesticks detail and the closing line. Also, how S2 switches to Kahlo's voice. I wonder if this part should be in present tense?

Have you heard of the British confessional, Pascale Petit? I've been lucky enough to see her read several times at book launches over the years. She took a deep delve into Kahlo and then wrote a full collection of poetry in her voice. Here are two links should you be interested. The first, is a site packed to the brim with useful information on Kahlo, and also displaying Pascale's work. The other is Pascale's own website:

http://www.fridakahlo.it/en/poetry.php

http://www.pascalepetit.co.uk/what-the- ... ida-kahlo/

Lia

[CalebPerry]

Hi, Lia.

It was with great hesitation that I spoke in Kahlo's voice. I was aware that there is a HUGE amount of poetry written in Kahlo's voice on the internet, and I feel bad for adding to it. No one knows what Kahlo would say if she could still speak, and I suspect she would resent much of what has been written in her name, especially the love poems to Rivera.

I switched to Kahlo's voice because I was stumped. I realized that, whether I spoke in her voice or not, I was presenting my impression of her life, and so I felt it was more honest to speak for Kahlo directly. I did it in a way that I thought would be the least objectionable to her -- keeping my statements to a minimum and putting them in the past sense.

Thanks for the links. I had already seen those sites when I was searching for REAL poetry that Kahlo might have written.

[CalebPerry]

I'm aware that interest in this poem may be dying, but I've just posted version 11.

I rewrote the statement by Kahlo in the third person ("There was pain in her body", etc.), but that made it sound like I was clairvoyant, so I put it back. However, I never liked the jump from metered verse to free verse and then back, so I put the Kahlo quote into the rough meter used in the first and final stanzas. I was surprised to learn that I write so naturally in IP that the free verse was easy to put into meter; and when I did, the poem came out to four stanzas of five lines each. So unless you dislike having that middle portion in meter, I think this is the final form of the poem.

[Macavity]

Yes, breaking her speaking into stanzas was false for me and the reading of the lines in V10 had more dynamic. I guess that has something to do with the linebreaks. Don't know, just felt right.

Phil

[CalebPerry]

Yes, thanks. If I am speaking as her, I shouldn't use MY rhythms.

[Lia]

Hi Caleb,

Yes, it's like wading through a quagmire when trying to find the real poetry and quotes of Kahlo. Many have been proved false. There's nothing wrong with writing in Kahlo's voice. Your poem is a different thing entirely to those who have wilfully tried to claim that their poems were written by her.

V11 lessens the reading experience for me. I much prefer V10.

Lia

[CalebPerry]

Thank you, Lia. As soon as I posted V11, I knew it was a mistake, so V10 is the final.

Let me take this opportunity to say that I often look at your poems, but don't always feel that I have anything to say that would be helpful. Our writing styles are very different.

[Lia]

You're welcome, Caleb.

Our writing styles may differ, but don't feel that you can't comment because the meaning is elusive. Even if you mention a single line that you like or don't like, helps me or any other writer on the board know what is and isn't working. It might be a phrase or a line-break, or mentioning that the poem could be broken into stanzas. Perhaps you'll find a punctuation problem or an alternative joining word that's more useful. Any small thought or suggestion can become fundamental. An 'is' to an 'of'. A 'when' to a 'where'.

Lia