Poetry Forum

I tried to understand myself a few times already
Initially, I tried to observe whether I pour cereal or milk first
and whether I like it crispy or soft
and what I order from McDonald's.

Then I tried to define myself by my favorite author
repeatedly quoting Joyce until I fell asleep: “Me. And me now.”
As time went by I searched for myself in the poems
I wrote when my first love dumped me and the world ended
readers saying “can’t believe you’re so young, where’s this sadness coming from?”

Granny told me that I took it from her and that she cried a lot when she was my age

I cry over tea spilled on the floor, over broken plates, and finished novels.
I am defined by cries and hesitations.

I like it soft.

Welcome to the forum littlebird. I enjoyed the write, it has an angle that entertains.

Initially I tried to define myself by whether I pour cereal or milk first
and whether I like it crispy or soft

Like oddness of that. Amusing.

I cry over tea spilled on the floor, over broken plates

This neurosis made me think of an older person or a younger person influenced by an older person (the granny?)

I like it soft.

Effective structural device to thread back to the beginning.

Granny told me that I took it after her and that she cried a lot when she was my age.

Is it a typo? Ah, I see...the sadness!

Granny told me that I took it from her and that she cried a lot when she was my age

Is that what you meant? In the sense of inherited behaviour.

best

Phil

Thanks for the feedback!

Hi LBS,
enjoyed the read, though the ending seemed a bit rushed (and the repetitions of 'tried' and 'define' seemed unnecessary.) I'd also question the use of 'critics' (since you offer no examples of them criticising anything).

Self-definitions ........................ personally I like "Me. And me now." as the title.


tried to understand myself a few times already ............ not sure what 'already' is doing.
Initially I tried to define myself by whether I pour cereal or milk first .... great idea. Any way to avoid the repetition of 'myself'?
and whether I like it crispy or soft ....... soft sent me to a boiled egg, crispy elsewhere. Where do they both converge?
and what my favorite McDonald’s meal is. .......... favourite McDonalds, then favourite author?

Then I tried to define myself by my favorite author
repeatedly quoting Ulysses until I fell asleep: “Me. And me now.” ..... It reads a bit like Ulysses is the author.
As the time went by I searched for myself in the poems
I wrote when my first love dumped me and the world ended
critics saying “can’t believe you’re so young, where’s this sadness coming from?” .... is it about what was said, or what you took from what was said. Surely it's only the latter that leads to a self-definition?

Granny told me that I took it from her and that she cried a lot when she was my age

I cry over tea spilled on the floor, over broken plates, and finished novels.
I am defined by cries and hesitations.

I like it soft. .................Solid ending.


Just a thought


I cry over tea spilled on the floor, broken plates,
and finished novels. Granny told me that
I took it from her and that she cried a lot
when she was my age.

I've tried to understand myself, I've tried
defining who I am by if I pour the milk
or cereal first, by whether I like it soft
or crispy, black or white, by what's my favorite McDonald’s

I've tried

Later, older, I chose my favorite author
and would frequently quote from Ulysses
until I fell asleep: “Me. And me now.”
As the time went by I searched for myself
in the poems I wrote when my first love dumped me
and the world ended

critics saying “can’t believe you’re so young, where’s this sadness coming from?”

I am defined by cries and hesitations.

Now, I like it soft.


Regards, Not


.

Thank you for your suggestions, especially the title one. I like it!

I'm not that convinced about your version of the poem though. Just different tastes I guess.

Thank you anyway!