I tried to understand myself a few times already
Initially, I tried to observe whether I pour cereal or milk first
and whether I like it crispy or soft
and what I order from McDonald's.
Then I tried to define myself by my favorite author
repeatedly quoting Joyce until I fell asleep: “Me. And me now.”
As time went by I searched for myself in the poems
I wrote when my first love dumped me and the world ended
readers saying “can’t believe you’re so young, where’s this sadness coming from?”
Granny told me that I took it from her and that she cried a lot when she was my age
I cry over tea spilled on the floor, over broken plates, and finished novels.
I am defined by cries and hesitations.
I like it soft.
Me. And me now.
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Last edited by littlebirdsaved on Fri Nov 05, 2021 5:18 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Welcome to the forum littlebird. I enjoyed the write, it has an angle that entertains.
best
Phil
Like oddness of that. Amusing.Initially I tried to define myself by whether I pour cereal or milk first
and whether I like it crispy or soft
This neurosis made me think of an older person or a younger person influenced by an older person (the granny?)I cry over tea spilled on the floor, over broken plates
Effective structural device to thread back to the beginning.I like it soft.
Is it a typo? Ah, I see...the sadness!Granny told me that I took it after her and that she cried a lot when she was my age.
Is that what you meant? In the sense of inherited behaviour.Granny told me that I took it from her and that she cried a lot when she was my age
best
Phil
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- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 3514
- Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2016 4:05 pm
Hi LBS,
enjoyed the read, though the ending seemed a bit rushed (and the repetitions of 'tried' and 'define' seemed unnecessary.) I'd also question the use of 'critics' (since you offer no examples of them criticising anything).
Self-definitions ........................ personally I like "Me. And me now." as the title.
tried to understand myself a few times already ............ not sure what 'already' is doing.
Initially I tried to define myself by whether I pour cereal or milk first .... great idea. Any way to avoid the repetition of 'myself'?
and whether I like it crispy or soft ....... soft sent me to a boiled egg, crispy elsewhere. Where do they both converge?
and what my favorite McDonald’s meal is. .......... favourite McDonalds, then favourite author?
Then I tried to define myself by my favorite author
repeatedly quoting Ulysses until I fell asleep: “Me. And me now.” ..... It reads a bit like Ulysses is the author.
As the time went by I searched for myself in the poems
I wrote when my first love dumped me and the world ended
critics saying “can’t believe you’re so young, where’s this sadness coming from?” .... is it about what was said, or what you took from what was said. Surely it's only the latter that leads to a self-definition?
Granny told me that I took it from her and that she cried a lot when she was my age
I cry over tea spilled on the floor, over broken plates, and finished novels.
I am defined by cries and hesitations.
I like it soft. .................Solid ending.
Just a thought
I cry over tea spilled on the floor, broken plates,
and finished novels. Granny told me that
I took it from her and that she cried a lot
when she was my age.
I've tried to understand myself, I've tried
defining who I am by if I pour the milk
or cereal first, by whether I like it soft
or crispy, black or white, by what's my favorite McDonald’s
I've tried
Later, older, I chose my favorite author
and would frequently quote from Ulysses
until I fell asleep: “Me. And me now.”
As the time went by I searched for myself
in the poems I wrote when my first love dumped me
and the world ended
critics saying “can’t believe you’re so young, where’s this sadness coming from?”
I am defined by cries and hesitations.
Now, I like it soft.
Regards, Not
.
enjoyed the read, though the ending seemed a bit rushed (and the repetitions of 'tried' and 'define' seemed unnecessary.) I'd also question the use of 'critics' (since you offer no examples of them criticising anything).
Self-definitions ........................ personally I like "Me. And me now." as the title.
tried to understand myself a few times already ............ not sure what 'already' is doing.
Initially I tried to define myself by whether I pour cereal or milk first .... great idea. Any way to avoid the repetition of 'myself'?
and whether I like it crispy or soft ....... soft sent me to a boiled egg, crispy elsewhere. Where do they both converge?
and what my favorite McDonald’s meal is. .......... favourite McDonalds, then favourite author?
Then I tried to define myself by my favorite author
repeatedly quoting Ulysses until I fell asleep: “Me. And me now.” ..... It reads a bit like Ulysses is the author.
As the time went by I searched for myself in the poems
I wrote when my first love dumped me and the world ended
critics saying “can’t believe you’re so young, where’s this sadness coming from?” .... is it about what was said, or what you took from what was said. Surely it's only the latter that leads to a self-definition?
Granny told me that I took it from her and that she cried a lot when she was my age
I cry over tea spilled on the floor, over broken plates, and finished novels.
I am defined by cries and hesitations.
I like it soft. .................Solid ending.
Just a thought
I cry over tea spilled on the floor, broken plates,
and finished novels. Granny told me that
I took it from her and that she cried a lot
when she was my age.
I've tried to understand myself, I've tried
defining who I am by if I pour the milk
or cereal first, by whether I like it soft
or crispy, black or white, by what's my favorite McDonald’s
I've tried
Later, older, I chose my favorite author
and would frequently quote from Ulysses
until I fell asleep: “Me. And me now.”
As the time went by I searched for myself
in the poems I wrote when my first love dumped me
and the world ended
critics saying “can’t believe you’re so young, where’s this sadness coming from?”
I am defined by cries and hesitations.
Now, I like it soft.
Regards, Not
.
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- Posts: 30
- Joined: Thu Nov 04, 2021 8:33 pm
Thank you for your suggestions, especially the title one. I like it!
I'm not that convinced about your version of the poem though. Just different tastes I guess.
Thank you anyway!
I'm not that convinced about your version of the poem though. Just different tastes I guess.
Thank you anyway!