Etymon

[pomespennyeach]

A child’s fall
out of limbo and skin
gives orient flesh its groaning wings
and pivots a tongue for grief.
The gargoyle child shuns the spoken waves
spurning all promise of shape and sleep.

The dead watch
this antebellum child
whose muscle and bone and unloving art
quells the numberless city
as he journeys the ciphered dark
to cull every witness of pity.

The child departs
lets fall a fiery rain
that issues black from burning clouds
descending upon his brothers:
within their skulls their falling souls
trickle to earth like rain in a gutter.

[Macavity]

Feels apocalyptic PPE. Interesting vocabulary. The concluding simile is stunning.

mac

[pomespennyeach]

Thanks for reading Mac,

It occurs to me the "fiery rain" should maybe not be "black". I'll have to ponder that.

[Macavity]

I've just finished reading a book called Dark Fire by CJ Sansom!

[NotQuiteSure]

Hi pom,
a bit confused (as you'd expect)
is 'A child' the same as 'the gargoyle child' or 'the antebellum child' or even 'The child'? Or are they all brothers? And if so, what distinguished 'a child' from 'the child'?

re. 'black', personally I think 'issues' needs more attention.

I think starting with lines 5-6 night be a bit more intriguing.

'falling' then 'trickle'? Seems a bit contradictory.


Regards, Not

.

[pomespennyeach]

Hi pom,
a bit confused (as you'd expect)
is 'A child' the same as 'the gargoyle child' or 'the antebellum child' or even 'The child'? Or are they all brothers? And if so, what distinguished 'a child' from 'the child'?

re. 'black', personally I think 'issues' needs more attention.

I think starting with lines 5-6 night be a bit more intriguing.

'falling' then 'trickle'? Seems a bit contradictory.

Not,

Meant to be a single child.

I studied "issues" but can't really come up with satisfying alternative.

I'll rethink re: ll. 5-6

Thanks for reading.

PPE

[NotQuiteSure]

Hi Pom

Meant to be a single child.
Didn't get that at all (kept on thinking four children, four horsemen.)
Maybe ...

The child’s fall
...
This gargoyle child shuns the spoken waves
...
...
this antebellum child ..................... don't understand the switch from gargoyle to antebellum (so close together in the poem, but referring to the same object).
...

The child departs
...


I studied "issues" but can't really come up with satisfying alternative.
Could be 'vomiting', 'raging' ... ?

Regards, Not

.