A child’s fall
out of limbo and skin
gives orient flesh its groaning wings
and pivots a tongue for grief.
The gargoyle child shuns the spoken waves
spurning all promise of shape and sleep.
The dead watch
this antebellum child
whose muscle and bone and unloving art
quells the numberless city
as he journeys the ciphered dark
to cull every witness of pity.
The child departs
lets fall a fiery rain
that issues black from burning clouds
descending upon his brothers:
within their skulls their falling souls
trickle to earth like rain in a gutter.
Etymon
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Thanks for reading Mac,
It occurs to me the "fiery rain" should maybe not be "black". I'll have to ponder that.
It occurs to me the "fiery rain" should maybe not be "black". I'll have to ponder that.
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Hi pom,
a bit confused (as you'd expect)
is 'A child' the same as 'the gargoyle child' or 'the antebellum child' or even 'The child'? Or are they all brothers? And if so, what distinguished 'a child' from 'the child'?
re. 'black', personally I think 'issues' needs more attention.
I think starting with lines 5-6 night be a bit more intriguing.
'falling' then 'trickle'? Seems a bit contradictory.
Regards, Not
.
a bit confused (as you'd expect)
is 'A child' the same as 'the gargoyle child' or 'the antebellum child' or even 'The child'? Or are they all brothers? And if so, what distinguished 'a child' from 'the child'?
re. 'black', personally I think 'issues' needs more attention.
I think starting with lines 5-6 night be a bit more intriguing.
'falling' then 'trickle'? Seems a bit contradictory.
Regards, Not
.
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- Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2021 3:55 pm
Not,NotQuiteSure wrote: ↑Sun Aug 15, 2021 3:35 pmHi pom,
a bit confused (as you'd expect)
is 'A child' the same as 'the gargoyle child' or 'the antebellum child' or even 'The child'? Or are they all brothers? And if so, what distinguished 'a child' from 'the child'?
re. 'black', personally I think 'issues' needs more attention.
I think starting with lines 5-6 night be a bit more intriguing.
'falling' then 'trickle'? Seems a bit contradictory.
Meant to be a single child.
I studied "issues" but can't really come up with satisfying alternative.
I'll rethink re: ll. 5-6
Thanks for reading.
PPE
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- Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2016 4:05 pm
Hi Pom
Meant to be a single child.
Didn't get that at all (kept on thinking four children, four horsemen.)
Maybe ...
The child’s fall
...
This gargoyle child shuns the spoken waves
...
...
this antebellum child ..................... don't understand the switch from gargoyle to antebellum (so close together in the poem, but referring to the same object).
...
The child departs
...
I studied "issues" but can't really come up with satisfying alternative.
Could be 'vomiting', 'raging' ... ?
Regards, Not
.
Meant to be a single child.
Didn't get that at all (kept on thinking four children, four horsemen.)
Maybe ...
The child’s fall
...
This gargoyle child shuns the spoken waves
...
...
this antebellum child ..................... don't understand the switch from gargoyle to antebellum (so close together in the poem, but referring to the same object).
...
The child departs
...
I studied "issues" but can't really come up with satisfying alternative.
Could be 'vomiting', 'raging' ... ?
Regards, Not
.