May’s bovine stasis

[1lankest]

The Herefords don’t flinch,
frozen in bank holiday heat.
Not even to masticate or shit:
statues of their own carving,
at odds

with the moving meadow-herbs
and grasses on which they appear
perpetually to feed. In the village
stumps are called. Tea.
Glasses empty, refill themselves.
Canola brightens in the foreground.

A tail swishes.
Play resumed.

[Ros]

Very nice!

[NotQuiteSure]

[tab][/tab]
Hey Luke.

May’s bovine stasis
(Love the title, excellent garden path)

The Herefords don’t flinch,
frozen in bank holiday heat[,]
not even to [shit or masticate]:
statues of their own carving,
at odds
- Not sure about 'flinch', assuming
[tab][/tab]L3 continues the thought.

with the moving meadow-herbs
- 'moving' - this is the only real weakness for me
(and the alliteration doesn't save it.)
and grasses on which they appear
[to feed perpetually]. In the village
- (surely it has to be 'On the village green'
[s][/s]or, possibly, 'From the pavilion' ?)
stumps are called. Tea.
Glasses empty, ['Refill?' 'Please'.]
Canola brightens in the foreground.
- Perhaps 'glows' for 'brightens'?

A tail swishes.
Play resume[s].

Enjoyed the read.

Small point - if the Hereford's are not moving
how do they 'appear to feed' ?

Regards, Not.
[tab][/tab]

[1lankest]

Thanks Ros!

Not, ta, interesting thoughts.

if the Hereford's are not moving
how do they 'appear to feed' ?

In the same way the subject of an image can appear to have motion....it is implied by context (stooping neck etc)

L

[churinga]

statues of their own carving,
Like this, a little riddle that fooled me for a while.

with the moving meadow-herbs
Agree that 'moving' is too generic.

Glasses empty, refill themselves.
This line is too like 'statues of their own carving' in its word play.

Technically, 'stumps' is called when the game's over not between innings.

Enjoyed the poem. Kept thinking of Midsommer Murders, the closest I have come to cricket in a village.

cheers

Ross

[Joao]

Very nice poem, Luke. I'm also not sure about 'Flinch', maybe because it's a reactive verb -- what are the cows (not) flinching at? Wouldn't something like 'stir' be more suitable?

[Macavity]

Conveys a timeless continuity Luke. It is possible to unpick, but either way I enjoyed the 'stasis'. The Hereford is a great image in the context.

cheers

mac

[1lankest]

Thanks all. Ross, you’re right about stumps. How about ‘in the village the over’s called. Tea.’?
Joao, thanks. Really glad you liked it. Stir might work better, yes.
Mac, ta. ‘It is possible to unpick?’ - is this good or bad?! Thanks for commenting mate.

Tempted leave it for now, to simmer.

Luke

[Macavity]

Workshops tend to be 'picky' - by definition - poetry books I read casually - picking up meanings and pleasures of a read over time (sometimes years).

best

mac

[1lankest]

Agreed, Mac, me too.

I most value crits that attempt to reveal an understanding of the poem’s broader meaning/pathos. Then I know if I have succeeded or failed.

Cheers,

L

[David]

I missed this at the time, Luke. Ros is right, it is nice, although I don't really like the frozen / heat contrast, and what is this canola?

Is the last line a reference to the cows as well as the cricket?

But it's got a lovely rural summer English atmosphere. Philip Larkin's Whitsun train might just have gone past.

Cheers

David

[Firebird]

Hi Luke,

I missed this too. It's lovely. Just to say I think 'in the village the over’s called. Tea.’ does work better.

Cheers,

Tristan