Vote Conservative!

[thoke]

Drenched in the sweat of prison,
your monthly income nothing,
old feelings return in drugs and
criminality: come be where nobody moves
in mildewed rooms, incapable of work, obese
with piss and vinegar; get fired
and beaten and bent, nagged constantly
by disintegrating elderly parents.

-----

[Guess what I'm pre-occupied with!]

[juliaromonov15azva]

As opposed to what? Everyone in the world right now complains about the same things, try living in indiana.

[thoke]

What's your point/question?

Ben

[juliaromonov15azva]

my point is that while i tend to agree with your statements, i do not have the same fondness for hyperbole as you do. You make the uk sound like a banana republic, but i've lived in and heard of places much worse.

[thoke]

What hyperbole? The poem is about what is wrong with the UK. Not about the UK being a worse place to live than elsewhere. If I have a cancereous tumor and am given a year to live, the fact that you have two tumors and have only 6 months to live is of no comfort to me whatsoever.

[David Smedley]

Drenched in the sweat of prison,
your monthly income nothing,
old feelings return in drugs and
criminality: come be where nobody moves
in mildewed rooms, incapable of work, obese
with piss and vinegar; get fired
and beaten and bent, nagged constantly
by disintegrating elderly parents.

-----

[Guess what I'm pre-occupied with!]

I do not want to guess what you are "pre-occupied" with, this is a Poetry workshop.

One cannot be "drenched in the sweat of prison," even used as a metaphor (in this context) it is laboured.

The quotes below represent too much abstract thought-

old feelings return

come be where nobody moves
in mildewed rooms, incapable of work, obese
with piss and vinegar

Again, even as a metaphor, "piss and vinegar do not work for me the way they are used here.

The poerty of the piece is lacking for me, it is more a statement.

David

[juliaromonov15azva]

perhaps you could be more specific then, because at no point in the poem did i infer the issue of physical illness. it seemed more like a lab or coalition voter complaining about the election.

[thoke]

this is a Poetry workshop.

Whoops, I thought it was a leather bar. I'll go home and change.

One cannot be "drenched in the sweat of prison,"

Indeed, and thank god for that!

Ben

[thoke]

perhaps you could be more specific then, because at no point in the poem did i infer the issue of physical illness. it seemed more like a lab or coalition voter complaining about the election.

You misunderstand me. The poem is indeed a lab voter complaining about the election.

Your complaint seems to be that in the grand scheme of things it does not much matter who won the UK election; there are worse things happening in the world. My reply is to say that the fact that there are worse things than the poverty and injustice we are seeing in the UK does not take away from the fact that those are very bad things about which it is reasonable to complain.

Ben

[juliaromonov15azva]

again i can neither empathise with you or disagree with you, unless you can be more specific. Exactly how has the country headed down the wrong path, or how exactly has the conservative party malfunctioned.

[thoke]

The country has headed down the wrong path for decades by embracing market fundamentalism. The conservative party is functioning very will within its own parameters: it is successfully dismantling the state by selling off our public services and allowing the rich to get richer at the poor's expense..

[Ros]

For me, this is too much of an overblown rant to be effective. You're saying everyone is obese and in prison? What old feelings?

Not that I've ever thought overtly political poems were particularly effective. They tend to turn into rants that only preach to the converted.

Ros