Sounding

[Ros]

Everything has an ear to the ground.
The rain listens to its own beat
on bare earth. The blackbird
tilts its head above the weeds.
Earthworms foretaste the next step.

I press a glass to your wall.


~

edited for a/an

[Travis]

Greetings.

A nice little stopping of the clock. My sort of thing.

Critically, there are three things that jump out at me.

First off, the first line would read more smoothly to me if it went like this:

Everything has an ear to the ground.

Secondly, the pathetic fallacy is obtrusive, especially regarding the rain. Not that it bothers me (and besides, what the fuck else are you going to do?). It's just...there.

Lastly, I'm not sure I like the last line being alone like that. My own instincts would lead me to isolate it, like you've done, but from this side of the fence there is a whiff of self-satisfaction coming from it. And if you bunch them all together, there is an endearing, sort of incidental quality to the poem that, to me, doesn't exist otherwise.

Enjoyed it overall though.

Everything has an ear to the ground.
The rain listens to its own beat
on bare earth. The blackbird
tilts its head above the weeds.
Earthworms foretaste the next step.
I press a glass to your wall.

Farewell.

[CalebMurdock]

Everything has a ear to the ground. (a > an)
The rain listens to its own beat
on bare earth. The blackbird
tilts its head above the weeds.
Earthworms foretaste the next step.

I press a glass to your wall.

I recently broached the issue of fragmentary poems on a thread started by Seth. Specifically, I don't understand why so many authors here are satisfied with short poems that don't say a great deal, and this poem certainly falls into that group. If I were writing it, the final line would be the start of the second 5-line stanza. I would delve into my feelings and explain why I am focussed on the "you" in the poem. At the end of four or five stanzas, I would try to nail the poem shut with an insight about myself or society or the world, or perhaps the role of women in relationships (if I were a woman). Since most people who snoop on their neighbors are needy and lonely, I might make the poem about loneliness and how the handsome neighbor has brought all my emotions into my throat. There are so many possibilities. So in my view, what you have here is just the beginning of a poem. The real story is yet to come.

[summerbreeze]

Does anyone ever write anything complimentary on here

[David]

Does anyone ever write anything complimentary on here :lol:

That's a very good question, Poppy.

[David]

Actually, they do. I do. I gush quite a lot. But I have to like it first.

[summerbreeze]

Actually, they do. I do. I gush quite a lot. But I have to like it first.

Then I shall let you off
Just I seem to read more derogatory (not saying flowers all round) but seems to get a little down beat at times - for the sake of and nothing more in some cases.

[Travis]

Does anyone ever write anything complimentary on here

You mean like this?:

A nice little stopping of the clock. My sort of thing.

Enjoyed it overall...

[CalebMurdock]

Does anyone ever write anything complimentary on here

I think I do too, although I don't get a lot in return. I gave lots of praise to Ros's poem about the detective, and Mike's poem about the wind and the tree, and David's poem Phototropism, and Seth's poem about the gate-crasher. But Ros is a good enough poet not to be posting fragments as completed poems. It's a bad trend; and part of the reason I'm bringing it up now is because I think it needs to be nipped in the bud.

[Antcliff]

Caleb

Ros is a good enough poet not to be posting fragments as completed poems. It's a bad trend; and part of the reason I'm bringing it up now is because I think it needs to be nipped in the bud.

Reminding you that the threads for individual poems are there for critical suggestions concerning the poem in question. NOT for orations aimed at nipping any putative and, you suppose, objectionable trend "in the bud". You are more than welcome to invite discussion of your views of poetry trends in a posting in the "Poetry Discussion" section. That is what, in part, the "Poetry Discussion" section is for. Those with an interest are free to do so. But an individual poem thread by a poster is not the place for such "nipping" projects.

Seth

[Jackie]

It's a bad trend

Caleb, since we're workshopping here, couldn't you say instead, "It doesn't work for me," or "In my opinion it's a bad trend because . . . ."

Ros, delicious, tactile words you use here, like foretaste. I'm particularly interested in the last line and what your wall could mean, because it seems so focused compared to the general irritability activity of the animals. But then an ear to the ground is usually used in a more focused sense, isn't it? You could use it in talking about keeping aware of plans for a war or preparations for Christmas.

Jackie

[CalebMurdock]

Reminding you that the threads for individual poems are there for critical suggestions concerning the poem in question. NOT for orations aimed at nipping any putative and, you suppose, objectionable trend "in the bud". You are more than welcome to invite discussion of your views of poetry trends in a posting in the "Poetry Discussion" section. That is what, in part, the "Poetry Discussion" section is for. Those with an interest are free to do so. But an individual poem thread by a poster is not the place for such "nipping" projects.

Everything I said is appropriate to the poem that Ros posted. Conversations often get a little off-topic, and no one gets scolded -- except me. I know you don't like me, Seth; you don't have to keep making a point of it.

Actually, everything I said above is squarely ON topic. If Ros is posting a poem which is part of a trend that I think is bad, I have a perfect right to say so. And if Travis can be blunt enough to use the f-word, then I can be blunt too.

[Antcliff]

Everything I said is appropriate to the poem that Ros posted.

No it wasn't.

I know you don't like me, Seth;

?? No, you do not know that. I have no personal attitude towards you.

you don't have to keep making a point of it.

???I have not made a point of it. Ergo, not done so on more than one occasion. What I have done is perform my role as a moderator....bring to the attention of a poster the fact that they are doing something not appropriate for individual poem threads but for the "Poetry Discussion" section. I could not have been clearer.

Seth

[CalebMurdock]

I'm sorry, Seth, but there is always going to be a little mixing of topics -- no thread is always 100% on-topic. If I strayed off-topic, I did so by only the slightest little bit. Your posts are now far more off-topic than mine were. Give it a rest.

[Antcliff]

Give it a rest.

Er no. I have now requested. I then clarified. Now I am warning. Act in accordance with the requests of mods or be removed from the board. Consider this your first warning. There will be no second warning. Any further comment at all about my request from you will be treated as a refusal and hence as an offence requiring permanent removal from the board. Which will duly happen. It is up to you.

Seth

[CalebMurdock]

Give it a rest.

Er no. I have now requested. I then clarified. Now I am warning. Act in accordance with the requests of mods or be removed from the board. Consider this your first warning. There will be no second warning. Any further comment at all about my request from you will be treated as a refusal and hence as an offence requiring permanent removal from the board. Which will duly happen. It is up to you.

This is turning into a personal vendetta. You have absolutely no professionalism as a moderator. On every board there is always one moderator who takes a disliking to me and causes problems, and on this board, you are the one. There are a couple other moderators here who don't like me either, but they aren't threatening to get rid of me because I made a point that was only slightly off-topic.

[Nash]

errr...actually, Seth is a sound chap. One of the nicest I've met online.

Caleb, I'm sure you'd be the first to admit that you can let your ego run away with you. How about you stop being such a drama queen. Not everything is about you.

[CalebMurdock]

Caleb, I'm sure you'd be the first to admit that you can let your ego run away with you. How about you stop being such a drama queen. Not everything is about you.

I'm not being a drama queen. I just expressed a strong opinion. Seth is the one who is blowing it out of proportion, and hijacking the thread in the process!

[Nash]

On every board there is always one moderator who takes a disliking to me and causes problems, and on this board, you are the one.

I think this speaks volumes about you, Caleb. Most people get on with each other around here. People have the occasional spat (Hiya Travis!) but it's soon forgotten. If you want to get on with people within the forums then you really should consider looking at your own behaviour rather than being so quick to blame others. If you don't want to get on with people within the forums then why join them?

[Nash]

It's late. I'm already regretting getting involved in this conversation. It's not going to go anywhere. I'm off to bed.

[CalebMurdock]

I think this speaks volumes about you, Caleb. Most people get on with each other around here. People have the occasional spat (Hiya Travis!) but it's soon forgotten. If you want to get on with people within the forums then you really should consider looking at your own behaviour rather than being so quick to blame others. If you don't want to get on with people within the forums then why join them?

Nash, thank you for your very unwanted and unsolicited advice, and your assessment of my character (both of which I disagree with). Seth is the one who is blowing this out of proportion, not me.

[Nash]

Nash, thank you for your very unwanted and unsolicited advice, and your assessment of my character

You're very welcome, Mr Murdock. Anytime!

G'night,
Nash.

[CalebMurdock]

Sleep well!

[brianedwards]

Well I like it. It's not groundbreaking or incredibly profound, but it puts forward an interesting proposition, supports it with some clear imagery, and draws from it an intriguing metaphor. It then ends with a touch of ambiguity that doesn't frustrate, but respects the readers' intellect and invites them to engage with the poem. It is a poem, not a polemic. And it is a good one.

Fix that typo though.

B.

[CalebMurdock]

Well I like it. It's not groundbreaking or incredibly profound, but it puts forward an interesting proposition, supports it with some clear imagery, and draws from it an intriguing metaphor. It then ends with a touch of ambiguity that doesn't frustrate, but respects the readers' intellect and invites them to engage with the poem.

If we are to accept the poem as it is, then I actually agree. I don't see any problem with it. But to me, it's a two-legged stool. It needs another leg or two to stand as a poem. And Ros certainly has the talent to give it the other two legs.

Now I'll shut up, unless someone else wants to argue. Sorry that your thread got hijacked, Ros.