The last scene of "I know where I'm going".

[Antcliff]

The last scene of “I Know Where I’m Going”.

(Reference...Powell/Pressburger film set in Hebrides)

Castle Moy.
I won’t rhyme it with “Joy”.
I could. I should. It fits.
And surely joy deserves a castle
as much as doom or gloom
or whatever rhymes with ”fits”.
I could try “toy”,
but then you’d think
I was making some point
about rich men, estates
and such. No. Not at all.
No tilt against a wealthy boy.
I’m only saying that I know
exactly how the lovers felt,
falling in each other’s arms. My joy,
at Moy.

[David]

A playful homage to a film that (as previously discussed) is well worth honouring.

[Arian]

I don't know the film, but as an excercise in ironic (I assume) ekphrasis, I found it well-executed and enjoyable enough. Some clever, if slightly heavy-handed, self-referentialism.

Personally, I'd end at arms.

Cheers
peter

[brianedwards]

Woah, I love this. Very nicely done!

B.

[Antcliff]

Thank for reading David/Brian/Arian.
Ant
Bit cold down near Moy at moment.

[Nash]

Well done Ant, I like this very much, it sounds wonderful read aloud. Not much more to add, except my praise.

Actually though (just a very minor point, which is probably just me), on a visual level, the speech marks perhaps look a tad ugly? I'd prefer to see those words italicised.

Nice one,
Nash.

[Antcliff]

I'd prefer to see those words italicised.
Nice one,
Nash.

O yes, Italicised would be better. Good idea. Thanks Nash. Very encouraging about how it sounds aloud. Thanks for that as well.
Ant

[emuse]

This is so very lovely Ant.

And surely joy deserves a castle
as much as doom or gloom

Truly it does. I have a huge stack of videos from a series dedicated to castles. So many had dark histories but a few where filed with tales of noble nights and romance. Your poem inspires me to see the film.

For some reason I wanted to see a repetition at the end line rather than a referral to the title but of course all arrows point to the direction you chose to make the poem complete.

falling in each other’s arms. My joy,
My Joy.

[Antcliff]

And surely joy deserves a castle
as much as doom or gloom

O yes. Free castles from doom/gloom. They are in my head at moment, and notebook.
Thanks for reading.I know what you mean about endline.
You have reminded me one or two childhood castle visits. I'm trying to recall where they were.

Ant

[Ken]

I haven't seen the movie either, but the poem is great fun. You start off saying you won't rhyme Moy and joy and, at the end, of course, that's what you do. But you do it with a "My joy" that is like a verbal promontory, sticking out from the line, and then with an "at Moy," that doesn't make up a whole line. Very droll and eccentric, sort of like the portraits of people who inhabit castles in some movies.

And the lines, "...joy deserves a castle / as much as doom or gloom" is an anti-cliche, which I think can be said of the entire poem. You even reversed the usual order since it is usually "gloom and doom."

The entire poem is understated and one of it's chief virtues is that the poet knows how not to say too much.

[Ken]

A couple more quick thoughts, mostly about punctuation:

* I would delete the period at the end of the title.

* You might want to consider putting the periods and comma inside the quote marks, for the words “Joy”, ”fits” and “toy,” "to get rid of the awkward white space. Is that verboten? Of course, that's not ideal, either. But it might be a possibility.

* Also, a super-nitpick: one quote mark for "fits" is going the wrong way. I assume that's an accident?

And, of course, the poem's form is anti-cliche, even while it describes one of the great cliches of the movies.