Next to Nothing

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pomespennyeach
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Tue Sep 14, 2021 1:40 pm

Next steps rain down
in feral words that hunt me
where I hide inside
ego’s weather, lightless interior land.
A Styx of immediate nerves
cuts me off from crossing
and speaking aloud
to be heard by the dead,
the least remote of the living.
Each time I disappear
behind myself in a kind of dying
and wake in an orbit, swinging back
behind the dawn.
Daylight is good for little things
brittle insects that I inspect
with eyes defined by wholeness
blinking undiscovered glances
that follow in the footsteps
of my crippled stumbles
toward a meaningless decision
to move from here
to there, next to nothing.
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Leaf
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Tue Sep 14, 2021 6:28 pm

Hi PPE,

Just a few first impressions to start. I'm a little at sea with the meaning, but I think it has something to do with the difficulty of getting through the days or maybe with just getting on with life as a whole.

I'm picking up a need for distraction in 'little things' and I like the imagery, the 'brittle insects', associated with that. You have some really good imagery throughout, such as in 'Styx of immediate nerves', 'swinging back behind the dawn'.

I suppose you could have a comma after 'dying', unless that would clutter things? Sorry I don't really have much in the way of useful suggestions at the moment; I'll return!

Best wishes,
Leaf
pomespennyeach
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Wed Sep 15, 2021 12:35 am

Leaf wrote:
Tue Sep 14, 2021 6:28 pm


Just a few first impressions to start. I'm a little at sea with the meaning, but I think it has something to do with the difficulty of getting through the days or maybe with just getting on with life as a whole.
Leaf, thanks for giving it a read. I think your summary is pretty accurate actually. I'm feeling a lot of "nothingness" these days. It's also another S. Beckett inspired poem, though it's not about any particular book.
Macavity
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Wed Sep 15, 2021 7:52 am

Hi PPE

I too like the brittle insects and found the use of feral interesting as was ego/weather combo.

best

mac
NotQuiteSure
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Wed Sep 15, 2021 2:04 pm

Hi PPE,
a poem of two halves, for me.
Lines 1-9 seem a bit of a jumble (though 'feral words that hunt' is very nice), so I'll just concentrate on the remainder


Each time I disappear
behind myself in a kind of dying
and wake in an orbit, swinging back ........... maybe 'I' for 'and'?
behind the dawn.

Daylight is good for little things
brittle insects that I inspect ......................... wonder if 'brittle insects' is one item in a list?
with eyes defined by wholeness

blinking undiscovered glances ................... who's doing the blinking?
that follow in the footsteps
of my crippled stumbles.............................. 'crippled stumbles' seems close to nonsense. Would you have said athletic stumbles in a different context?

toward a meaningless decision
to move from here
to there, next to nothing.

Not sure that lines 5-11 are doing enough, if you cut them you're left with


Each time I disappear
behind myself in a kind of dying
and wake in an orbit, swinging back
behind the dawn.
toward a meaningless decision
to move from here
to there, next to nothing.

Has that much been lost?


Regards, Not

.
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Leaf
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Wed Sep 15, 2021 9:23 pm

pomespennyeach wrote:
Wed Sep 15, 2021 12:35 am
Leaf, thanks for giving it a read. I think your summary is pretty accurate actually. I'm feeling a lot of "nothingness" these days. It's also another S. Beckett inspired poem, though it's not about any particular book.
You're welcome, PPE. I'm glad I wasn't entirely at sea with it! I've known 'nothingness' and I do feel that in the poem.

Best wishes,
Leaf
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