Haiku 汉俳(11-20)

[Lake]

岁月(11)

青丝垂深潭
独钓清江听蝉鸣
一叶一苦寒

Years

Stream fishing alone
Green twigs droop in deep distress
Song of cicada

竹(12)

山前几枝竹
岁岁无花节节直
春来燕穿织

Bamboo

Bamboos lead mountains
Culms straight, flowerless for years
Spring swallows shuttle

松(13)

脚踏黄土地
头顶青天博风雨
常年一伞绿

Cypress

Evergreen umbrellas
Foot in soil, head against sky
Battle raging storms

雾(14)

袅袅一树烟
漫漫长路雾满天
垂柳古道边

Fog

Haze on ancient road
Mist curls through weeping willows
Long way into fog

冬梅(15)

冬雪压几重
一树梅开朵朵红
寒雀落青松

Winter Plum Blossoms

With layers of snow
A plum tree blooms red
Sparrow on green pine

离愁(16)

秋风转萧瑟
枫叶卷起一袖愁
月冷影枯瘦

Grief of Parting

Autumn wind turns bleak
Maple leaves swirl with sorrow
Cold moon, thin shadow

沙滩(17)

海鸥点浪尖
沙滩人群半天闲
浮游白浪间

Beach

Seagulls dot breakers
Crowds idle along sand beach
Swim in white capped waves

黎明(18)

你抖落晨星
收卷起夜的帷帘
撒一片湛蓝

Dawn

Night curtain rolls up
Morning stars are shaken off
Azure spreads at dawn

她 刚起床(19)

从梦中醒来
渗出迷人的风采
晨光亦追缠

She is just up

Awake from her dreams
She rises with striking grace
Morning light lingers

秋叶(20)

一片片秋叶
染红了一方笑靥
梦中的彩蝶

Autumn Leaves

A smiling face blushed
With colors of autumn leaves
Butterflies in my dream

[barrie]

Stream fishing alone
Green twigs droop in deep distress
Song of cicada

Fishing alone,
as green branches hang in sorrow
to the cicada's song

With layers of snow ----Through layers of snow - ?
A plum tree blooms red
Sparrow on green pine

Barrie

[Lake]

Barrie,

Thanks for your input!

Fishing alone,
as green branches hang in sorrow
to the cicada's song

I especially like the last two lines, the two images now incorporated very well.

With layers of snow ----Through layers of snow - ?
A plum tree blooms red
Sparrow on green pine

Humm, the original means the plum tree is pressed down with layers and layers of snow, but with your 'through', the picture is more vivid, despite of the severe cold the plum tree flowers vibrantly amidst the winter snow.

Any more suggestions?

Many thanks,

Lake

[barrie]

'Bamboos lead mountains
Culms straight, flowerless for years
Spring swallows shuttle'

Bamboos lead up the mountains,
straight stemmed, ever flowerless:
Spring swallows wheel.

I wasn't sure what you meant by 'bamboos lead mountains', or 'spring swallows shuttle'.

Barrie

[Lake]

'Bamboos lead mountains
Culms straight, flowerless for years
Spring swallows shuttle'

Bamboos lead up the mountains,
straight stemmed, ever flowerless:
Spring swallows wheel.

I wasn't sure what you meant by 'bamboos lead mountains', or 'spring swallows shuttle'.

Barrie

Thanks Barrie,

Here is a rough prose rendition:

A few banboos grow before the mountian
year after year, though they don't flower but their stems are straight
when spring comes, swallows fly from tree to tree

[twoleftfeet]

Cypress

Evergreen umbrellas
Feet in soil, heads pressed skywards
Battle raging storms

- or umbrella/foot/head/battles

Winter Plum Blossoms

Encumbered with snow,
a plum tree blooms red
Sparrow on green pine

[Lake]

Very good suggestions, Geoff!

Cypress

Evergreen umbrellas
Feet in soil, heads pressed skywards
Battle raging storms

- or umbrella/foot/head/battles

Good catch, I should be more careful about the agreement.

Winter Plum Blossoms

Encumbered with snow,
a plum tree blooms red
Sparrow on green pine

I like the two verbs you used--pressed, encumbered, more strong than the two prepositions 'against', 'with'.

Many thanks!

Lake

[barrie]

Grief of Parting

Autumn wind turns bleak
Maple leaves swirl with sorrow
Cold moon, thin shadow

Bleak autumn wind
parts sorrowful maple leaves
in the moon's cold shadows.

[Lake]

Grief of Parting

Autumn wind turns bleak
Maple leaves swirl with sorrow
Cold moon, thin shadow

Bleak autumn wind
parts sorrowful maple leaves
in the moon's cold shadows.

Barrie,

It took me several reads to compare and feel the difference between these two versions.
Though with the same imagery, they read differently. Yours is a one sentence with 'autumn wind' as the subject which interrelates 'maple leaves' and 'moon, shadows' very well. Mine may be more truthful to the original, but I like yours better. To me, yours is like a recreation and a step higher than the original, however I am not going to change my version because I don't want to give the credit to the Chinese version, instead I'll keep these two for my own reference.

Thanks for helping me translate from a different angle!

Regards,
Lake

[CybaSumo]

nice section! i was looking forever for this site~! great haikus and translations we got here, keep it going!

[J.M. Vincent]

我真喜欢第十九段。我感觉我在梦中念过了。谢谢给我们翻译。

[Lake]

我真喜欢第十九段。我感觉我在梦中念过了。谢谢给我们翻译。

Hi Vincent,

你讲汉语？译得不好，请多指教。

谢谢！

Lake