A Spring Train Departs From The Pear Garden - Long Quan

[Lake]

A Spring Train Departs From The Pear Garden

Whoever tries to stop spring’s footsteps
is a criminal.
Any attempt to prevent a pear flower from falling,
a bud from growing into fruition,
is in vain.
I am thinking, this spring belongs to everyone,
but why some people are sad, some happy
some unable to take their first steps
some running with all their might?
Pear flowers bloom all over mountain valleys -
a Spring train departs from the Pear Garden,
a desire for spring falls with the pear flowers.
I will say, what makes spring stay
is not the camera held by others,
but your wide-open arms and smile,
the course of a pear flower coming into bloom.


(Original last line -the course of a flower coming into full blossom.)

一列春天的火车从梨园开出

龙 泉

谁想阻止春天的脚步
谁就是个犯罪的人
预谋着不让某一笺梨花落地
某一个花蕾结果
那都是徒劳
我在想，这个春天属于每一个人
为什么有人悲伤，有人欢喜
有人迈不开脚步
有人在拼命奔跑呵，
梨花开满山凹——
一列春天的火车从梨园开出
一个春天的妄想随梨花坠落
我要说，留住春天的方式
不是别人举起的相机
是你张开的双臂和笑脸
是一朵梨花盛开的过程

[oggiesnr]

I like this translation. I have but a couple of thoughts - I know that "criminal" is more accurate but would "fool" be more poetic?

At the end would a repeat of "pear flower" be more complete and I did wonder about "coming into bloom" to end it.

Nice one,

Steve

[Lake]

I like this translation. I have but a couple of thoughts - I know that "criminal" is more accurate but would "fool" be more poetic?

At the end would a repeat of "pear flower" be more complete and I did wonder about "coming into bloom" to end it.

Hi Steve,

I'm very glad that you came to read and give suggestions.

Your points are spot on. Yes, "criminal" is the word in the original, but I agree "fool" is more poetic. Maybe the original needs some edit, too.
And to tell you the truth, the last line does contain "pear flower", I didn't repeat "pear" for the fear that the last line would be too long. But with your suggested ending, this problem is solved, I think. Again, I used "blossom" to avoid the repetition of "bloom" in the previous line.
I'll have it edited based on your suggestions.

Thanks much!

Lake

[twoleftfeet]

Hi, Lake

Just one grammaical point:

but why some people are sad,.... ?

This needs to be
but why are some people sad,.....?

Or

but why is it some people are sad,..?

Also I'm not sure what is meant by "course" (do you mean "completion"?), and whether it is the poet or the smiling person who
is "coming into bloom".

Geoff

[Lake]

Hi Geoff,

Thanks for your questions, which sometimes are not easy to answer.

I did think about the grammar you pointed. If it is a question, the verb should come before the subject. But I used it as an object clause like

"I am thinking why some people..." Will it work?

Or because there is a comma after "I am thinking", so the rest can be read as a question, so the inversion of the verb?

If my sentence structure is wrong, I'd prefer your "why is it" option.

The "course" refers to the whole period of time during which the flower blooms. Does it make any sense?

Thanks as always.

Lake

[twoleftfeet]

Hi Geoff,

Thanks for your questions, which sometimes are not easy to answer.

I did think about the grammar you pointed. If it is a question, the verb should come before the subject. But I used it as an object clause like

"I am thinking why some people..." Will it work?

Or because there is a comma after "I am thinking", so the rest can be read as a question, so the inversion of the verb?

If my sentence structure is wrong, I'd prefer your "why is it" option.

Lake

I see what are you trying to do, Lake.

This would work, IMHO:

I am thinking how this spring belongs to everyone,
yet some people are sad, some happy...
Or
I am thinking : this spring belongs to everyone,
yet some people are sad, some happy...

The "course" refers to the whole period of time during which the flower blooms. Does it make any sense?

"Course" is a hard word to pin down :

1a. Onward movement in a particular direction; progress: the course of events.
b. Movement in time; duration: in the course of a year.
2. The direction of continuing movement: took e.g a northern course.
3. The route or path taken by something, such as a stream, that moves.
4. A typical or natural manner of proceeding or developing

I am still unsure of what the poet is saying in the last two lines (and the title).
All I will say is that "coming into" , for me, suggests that the blooming is complete (or almost).
Could you say something like:
"the course of a pear flower unfurling into bloom" ?

Geoff

[Lake]

I see what are you trying to do, Lake.

Forgive me if my grammar is wrong again - I'd say "I see what you are trying to do."

This would work, IMHO:

I am thinking how this spring belongs to everyone,
yet some people are sad, some happy...
Or
I am thinking : this spring belongs to everyone,
yet some people are sad, some happy...

These two are all correct sentences, yet I prefer the first one.

"Course" is a hard word to pin down :

1a. Onward movement in a particular direction; progress: the course of events.
b. Movement in time; duration: in the course of a year.
2. The direction of continuing movement: took e.g a northern course.
3. The route or path taken by something, such as a stream, that moves.
4. A typical or natural manner of proceeding or developing

Yes, I agree. I'd pin down def. 4, then.

I am still unsure of what the poet is saying in the last two lines (and the title).
All I will say is that "coming into" , for me, suggests that the blooming is complete (or almost).
Could you say something like:
"the course of a pear flower unfurling into bloom" ?

I don't quite like "coming into". I like your "unfurling into". The original "盛开" means "in full bloom".

Geoff, you have gnerated a number of sentences as alternatives. I think I really need to review "How To Write A Sentence And How To Read One".

Sorry for the late reply for it takes time for me to comprehand your questions and digest your suggestions.

Many thanks.

Lake

[twoleftfeet]

I see what are you trying to do, Lake.

Forgive me if my grammar is wrong again - I'd say "I see what you are trying to do."

Hi, Lake,

You are right, of course. The embarrassment is all mine!

Your grammar is fine , stop worrying!