Variations

[Lake]

Variations

bathroom mirror
daughter writes I love you
in steam

on this still green grass
without notice the first snow

snow shatters
from an oak
a raven takes off

snowy wind - sound of silk
tearing bare branches

fresh footprints
leading toward the woods
a deeper winter

north wind whips snow across
the prairie into a silver dune

up the hill
bending my head, I pant
into snow dust

quiet alarm clock, what’s the noise?
a snowplow outside

charity bell
rings soundless to
holiday shoppers

this year no gifts wrapped up yet
a lone Christmas tree

.

[PhilipCFJohnson]

Hey Lake! I really like the structure you've used here! It's really inviting!

This poem is full of imagery and appealing ideas to the other senses, tactile and sonic!

Short bursts of seasonal poetic ideas, with a sad twist at the end, that reflects the true priorities of most people at this time of year

This poem is very accessible but not so that it loses it's individuality and spirit! A good balanced poem full of lush ideas!

Thanks for a nice read
All the best
Phil

[Danté]

Very nice, Lake

I read grass as glass at least twice, after reading the mirror.
There are some lovely snaphots here which covey the images very well.
The contrast of the raven and white snow is as black and white as it gets.
Really enjoyed, and will be re-reading a few more times, I have no doubt.

all the very best to you, have a great festive one

kind regards

Tim

[barrie]

A quick visit.

Just a little confusion in the second variation.

on this still green grass
without notice the first snow What do mean by still here? Do you mean not moving, or do you mean unchanged? What do you mean by without notice? Without being observed or unannounced?

Unannounced, the first snow
lights upon the grass

If you mean unnoticed, then you could say, Unobserved, the first snow....

Have a good Christmas Day

Barrie

[El Wow!]

thought there were some truly great lines in this lake...well writ
El

[Lake]

Phil,

Thanks for your kind comments. You have acute senses. These are perhaps my last batch of shorties for a while. Glad you liked it. Thanks much!

Tim,

Your words "I read grass as glass at least twice, after reading the mirror" made me smile. Maybe I should place V2 away from V1. Very happy to read your interpretation/the contrast of black and white. Really appreciated.

El,

Glad to know you find some lines are good. Thanks for reading and commenting. Cheers.

Barrie,

Thank you very much for your offer of snow variation on Christmas day. What a pleasant visit!
I can see where your confusion comes from because I asked me the same questions when writing. They are not clear, are they? But I think you read it right. "still" means the grass is still green; "without notice", unannounced, as how you worded. I always appreciate your rewrite. Let me think it over and make some adjustment later.

Have a prosperous New Year

Lake

[Suzanne]

Lake,

I really enjoyed this and have found myself saying, "oh, it's Lake, I hope it is about snow..."
You paint winter wonderfully from a first hand experience. I appreiacate it very much.
Very enjoyable.

Warmly,
Suzanne

[Lake]

Thanks Suzanne for your warm words.

"first hand experience", that's right. I try to capture the moment, a breath.

Cheers,

Lake

[mesmie]

and the north wind whips...gorgeous..

A true winter fest Lake...

Mx