A Crop Has Taken Root

[jisbell00]

A Crop Has Taken Root

Loin, bien loin.


Where have you been, they ask, and what I can
announce is not much. I have been away
to where the hand and eye do not deceive,
to where each alphabet that greets my finger
will speak my native tongue, where all the day
is morning. I have been away a spell
from getting and from spending, from the long
descent to evening when no single star
would interrupt the daylight, and the tongue
did not speak out, the eye did not behold,
the foot lacked strength to ferry me. I have
been on the road. I made that journey out
through thin air with my eyes closed – much the way
a bolt of lightning comes to Earth, a spark
leaps from a cathode. In my fertile soil
a crop has taken root, and I will harvest.


 

[CalebPerry]

This poem isn't bad, but it feels a little like you are trying too hard to be grand or mystical or iconic (not sure which word to use). The poem has its good moments, but it never quite gels for me. I think you are close to achieving what you want, but not quite there. Your poem reminds me a little of Frost's "Acquainted with the Night".

A Crop Has Taken Root

Loin, bien loin.

Where have you been, they ask, and what I can
announce is not much. I have been away
to where the hand and eye do not deceive,
to where each alphabet that greets my finger
will speak my native tongue, where all the day
is morning. I have been away a spell
from getting and from spending, from the long
descent to evening when no single star
would interrupt the daylight, and the tongue
did not speak out, the eye did not behold,
the foot lacked strength to ferry me. I have
been on the road. I made that journey out
through thin air with my eyes closed – much the way
a bolt of lightning comes to Earth, a spark
leaps from a cathode. In my fertile soil
a crop has taken root, and I will harvest.


 

[jisbell00]

Hi Caleb,

Here, rereading, I do get worked up a bit but I think that works. It doesn't feel to me like flogging a dead horse, it has some organic necessity.

Thanks for the Frost - I like Frost!

Cheers,
John

[Firebird]

Hi John,

I like this poem. I read it out aloud and liked its rhythm. Highlights for me are: ‘from the long / descent to evening’ and ‘a spark /leaps from a cathode’.

Lots more to like, too, of course.

Much enjoyed.

Cheers,

Tristan

[jisbell00]

Hi Tristan,

Thank you for the good word! I'm glad this poem spoke to you. I did enjoy that cathode image myself! I believe I got it the right way round (anode etc.).

Cheers,
John