Mutability Canto
Inevitably the pilgrims’ feet wear through the stone.
Cloud patterns form and scatter, and the dust
accumulates on our undusted surfaces.
Just so, rogue cells collect in my protesting body,
as one cell after another undergoes mitosis.
I have combined the task of living with the task of dying.
I feel as healthy as a cloudy sky.
Only my brain woke me at 2 a.m. –
all things must pass, but they can be remembered.
I’m no big talker, but I feel talkative today.
I want to remember tuna noodle casserole,
the times we went leaping from roof to roof.
I want to remember the things I haven’t recorded.
When the clouds shift, I want to remember all their dappled beauty,
and the light coming through them like an Old Dutch Master.
Mutability Canto
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CalebPerry
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 3061
- Joined: Wed Jul 11, 2018 11:26 am
I like this poem quite a bit. It works for me very nicely. I've never had cancer, but I know what it feels like to worry about my mortality from the various chronic health problems I have.
I have combined the task of living with the task of dying.
That's an effective line. I wrote something similar once -- "The hard part is to feel alive while dying" -- but your line is more effective, I think.
One of the difficulties in judging your work is that I compare it to other things you have written, and the standard of your writing is high, so it takes a very good poem to impress me. Perhaps because I have similar feelings, this one does that.
I have combined the task of living with the task of dying.
That's an effective line. I wrote something similar once -- "The hard part is to feel alive while dying" -- but your line is more effective, I think.
One of the difficulties in judging your work is that I compare it to other things you have written, and the standard of your writing is high, so it takes a very good poem to impress me. Perhaps because I have similar feelings, this one does that.
Signature info:
If you don't like the black theme, it is easy to switch to a lighter color. Just ask me how.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.
If you don't like the black theme, it is easy to switch to a lighter color. Just ask me how.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.
Hi Caleb,
Thank you for that kind comment. Yes, I think it's natural to reflect when confronted with our mortality, as we both have been. I for instance discovered that I had no real fear of dying - just some regrets, as in this poem, written pretty soon after the diagnosis.
I liked that line about the task of dying because, as the body works to live, so my body was also working to die, in its production of new cancer cells.
I see what you mean about my poetry, and it is flattering! Thank you, I appreciate that. It's good to hear this poem speaks to you - it's a quiet poem, I think, but a heartfelt one.
Cheers,
John
Thank you for that kind comment. Yes, I think it's natural to reflect when confronted with our mortality, as we both have been. I for instance discovered that I had no real fear of dying - just some regrets, as in this poem, written pretty soon after the diagnosis.
I liked that line about the task of dying because, as the body works to live, so my body was also working to die, in its production of new cancer cells.
I see what you mean about my poetry, and it is flattering! Thank you, I appreciate that. It's good to hear this poem speaks to you - it's a quiet poem, I think, but a heartfelt one.
Cheers,
John