Ch**ch

[jisbell00]

Ch**ch


This is a ch**ch, a sign outside the church
told all who looked to read it; What is missing?
I smiled but did not slow the car I drove.

I do not go to ch**ch. I do not kneel,
I do not take communion. And I write
as one to whom God spoke. Is it too pat

to say I don’t believe in God these days?
Or does the process bother me? The smile
of faith – the handshake? Does my welfare seem

my business in the end? Or could it be
I like my Sundays? I do not believe
in any of those answers. Ch**ch for me

is not routine, it is a place that tore
the fabric of the real. And I do not
feel that I need to see that; I have seen

more than my share of it. The God who spoke
to me in my belief looks on. I don’t
incline the knee. I do not laud His death.

[Macavity]

Fun title John. The rest is rather serious, but I guess that is the nature of belief debate. I doubt God has a sense of humour (black comedy perhaps). I do believe Catholicism has more entertainment value than Protestantism...music, iconography, mumbojumbo Like the use of 'laud'.

Bw

Phil

[jisbell00]

Hi Phil,

I agree, the title's funnier than the poem! And yes, Catholicism has the better entertainment value.

Oh Phil - could you move my Day Labor to The Finishing Touch? It's an older poem but it has some ongoing work on it. Cheers!

Cheers,
John

[Macavity]

Done John.

[CalebPerry]

I like this poem, John. Even though I'm religious (in the New Age vein), I often write as a nonbeliever because that is where a lot of people are.

The first thing I noticed is that you are ending a lot of phrases in the middle of lines, and I wonder if that was your intention -- and if so, why.

I would like more feeling and/or drama in the poem. Religion is Topic No. 1 for a lot of people. If you can't put more drama in it, then it needs more poetic devices to make it more interesting, rhyme or a thumping meter. It just needs something, in my opinion -- even anger or contempt. The traditional religions are so flawed, all of them having been contrived by unsophisticated cultures centuries ago, that it is easy to rail against them. No railing here, however. Just ennui.

I'm tempted to knock one of my religious poems to the top for comparison, but this isn't about me.

I get the feeling you will dismiss my remarks. The poem is clear and well written, and it obviously reflects your feelings on the matter, so why change it?

I love that the broken sign gave you that one marvelous poetic effect of calling it a "ch**ch" throughout. That's marvelous.

[ray miller]

That's a clever sign. Surprised there aren't more of them. We could improvise, too - This is E**rope: what is missing - in big letters for every queue at every border.

it is a place that tears
the fabric of the real.

Very good, though maybe -it was a place that tore?

[Morpheus]

Excellent poem John,

I was thinking about asterisks titles the other day and how best to employ them without needing a point of reference. You've got a perfect example here and the poem that follows doesn't disappoint. This wins the award for most inventive poem title I've read all year and I've read a lot of titles.

[jisbell00]

Thanks Phil!

Caleb, I’m glad you like the poem! You are right repeatedly, it seems to me, in your comment: lots of folks are nonbelievers, I do fail repeatedly to endstop these lines (for no good reason), one might imagine more drama here. Now I’m hoping readers will see my comment about how church tore the fabric of the real and appreciate my precarious equilibrium! Though it can’t be guaranteed. That is certainly what I’m driving for – I do not laud his death – and it’s a message that has some weight for me. So, ennui isn’t the exact term I’d use. Glad you liked ch**ch as well!

Ray, yes, it was clever, wasn’t it? And I believe that the church is the people, not the bricks, so it had special appeal to my thinking. I’ve edited to tore per your suggestion.

Morph, I’m glad this poem spoke to you! Yup, I like the title too but I can take only magpie credit for it – it was handed me in the sign I drove past. I thought, What a clever pastor!

Cheers,
John

[CalebPerry]

Ennui wasn't the word I wanted either. I just couldn't think of the right one. Overall, a good poem.

[jisbell00]

THanks, Caleb - glad the poem works for you!

Cheers,
John

[Lia]

Hello John,

I've come to this via Caleb's poem because he said that the sign/idea came from you. Though his is saying something different, if he were to use the poem I think he'd need to give a fair nod such as after 'Ch**ch' by John Isbell.

I'm very glad to have found your poem. The title made me smile, and more so because I was in Chippenham a couple of weeks ago and saw this:

I thought it was a strange name for a pub until the penny dropped! The roof windows look like they're about to drop off, too! I've been thinking of a poem for it. Anyway, just thought I'd tell you that.

'What is missing?' is such a cunning question. I like the wrestling thoughts of the narrator in the poem and the eventual conclusion - a powerful ending, certainly. I'd only say that this little area feels a bit clunky;

"... Is it as simple

as that I don’t believe in God these days?"

It's the 'as that'. Is it possible to say 'simply'? ie:

Is it simply
that I don't believe in God, these days?

Lia

[CalebPerry]

Yes, I make an attribution to John under the title of my poem, although I didn't use your wording.

[jisbell00]

Hi Lia,

That is an interesting pub sign! As you say, the church sign was very clever. I've tried amending to "too pat / to say..." What do you think?

Hi Caleb,

I appreciate you putting that little epigraph in! It seems like a good idea in presenting your poem.

Cheers,
John

[Lia]

John, that works very well indeed!

That's good, Caleb. I was just making sure all was well in the house of PAT.

Lia

[jisbell00]

Woo-hoo!

John