Diplodocus
This restless feeling tells me it is time
to set some words on paper. I am at
a child’s desk, in a child’s room, and the heat
has not let up, at 1 a.m. The wall
sports dinosaurs in a child’s hand, their names
all spelled precisely. Thus, we come to terms
with what’s beyond our nose. I know I too
could spell the word Diplodocus at five,
and set one on the page. When we are small,
the world is full of promise; we have not
yet disappointed. On this desk, there stands
the bric-à-brac of travel. Every beast
is frowning. Life’s not easy in the end.
The dinosaurs in this room are so vivid
you’d know them in the flesh. Pteranodon
is green and purple. Stegosaurus, who
is mostly purple, has an orange ridge
along his back. They’re sketched out in a sharp
unbending crayon. There are seven here.
Tyrannosaurus rex, whose head is square,
stands on boiled eggs. Dimetrodon is perched
on a blue ball – is that the Earth? Above them,
their names. They say a child of five has not
been told he can’t draw, and in fact he sees
exactly what he looks at. I could not
begin, at fifty-three, to draw these crisp
and vibrant personalities. The beasts
each fill their page. The line that lays them out
is confident as they are. I won’t know
what Byrdie thought, though I see what he penned.
Edited after on this desk:beside
computer, smartphone, manuscripts,
after life's not easy: ; you can tell
your mums and dads I told you that. I might
just try to get some sleep; it’s not yet dawn
after crayon: : silhouettes
against the blue of air or on the green
that’s grass in outline
after personalities: . The hand
that drew is older now; those dreamlike scenes
will likely stay a mystery
Diplodocus
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CalebPerry
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 3074
- Joined: Wed Jul 11, 2018 11:26 am
Lots of meandering here, and not necessarily in that relaxed, organic way you do so well. The poem feels very busy.
Signature info:
If you don't like the black theme, it is easy to switch to a lighter color. Just ask me how.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.
If you don't like the black theme, it is easy to switch to a lighter color. Just ask me how.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.
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ray miller
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 7418
- Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2008 10:23 am
Enjoyed the meander. Every beast is frowning. Life’s not easy - that's good and pertinent, but the remainder of the last 5 or 6 lines of the first stanza isn't so needed. I like the T Rex on boiled eggs.
The line that lays them out
is confident as they are. - confident and frowning?
The line that lays them out
is confident as they are. - confident and frowning?
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
I contemplate such bitter stuff.