Carpet
The long back room gave no inkling of the carpet. As the foot advanced, the hand reached, or the weary eye proceeded, what met them was the everyday: a door, a wall, a window; a table and chairs. Bric-à-brac lay scattered on different surfaces – on the stone counter, the two sofas, the dining room tablecloth.
But then – where the foot might travel – the red carpet. A deep red, the red of clotting blood or mulberries, tricked out in geometric pattern, a sort of arabesque.
Where had this carpet come from? It stretched half-hidden between table and sofa, over by the tall china cabinet. It shimmered quietly, a window on another world.
John liked to cross it barefoot. Its thick stuff – its weave of silk and wool – met the foot as if with news the foot could not interpret. Perhaps it knew the long-forgotten past. Perhaps it foretold the future. Once again, John’s foot left the cool floorboards to touch its warm weave. His eyes half-closed in incipient trance. He was transported.
Carpet
Ooh yes, it's pleasant to stand on a carpet. This seems well paced and measured. The word 'ric-à-brac' is particularly pleasing. For some reason, it seems natural that the carpet be deep red and somewhat mysterious. The contrast between the carpet and the floorboards is well drawn. And with 'transported', we had a pleasant image of the carpet rising up and transporting John to new worlds (^v^)
Cheerie,
F & (^v^)
Cheerie,
F & (^v^)
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CalebPerry
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 3072
- Joined: Wed Jul 11, 2018 11:26 am
The poem progresses very smoothly. It is a pleasant read. My only prejudice is that I don't like the prose poem format. I think it would be an easy matter for you to divide this poem into lines, and it would probably read better if you did.
Signature info:
If you don't like the black theme, it is easy to switch to a lighter color. Just ask me how.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.
If you don't like the black theme, it is easy to switch to a lighter color. Just ask me how.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.
Greetings, Fliss and Coo, greetings, Caleb!
Fliss and Coo, thank you! you've caught the bits that most appealed to me in writing, i think. It's a Turkish carpet, but would I think make an excellent flying carpet, so there's that. It is in fact stained with mulberries.
Caleb, I'm sorry you don't care for prose poems! i don't have a lot of them in this mS., but I do enjoy mixing it up a bit, so i think I'd like to keep this format here. Thanks for saying it reads smoothly!
Cheerie,
John
Fliss and Coo, thank you! you've caught the bits that most appealed to me in writing, i think. It's a Turkish carpet, but would I think make an excellent flying carpet, so there's that. It is in fact stained with mulberries.
Caleb, I'm sorry you don't care for prose poems! i don't have a lot of them in this mS., but I do enjoy mixing it up a bit, so i think I'd like to keep this format here. Thanks for saying it reads smoothly!
Cheerie,
John
Greetings, John!
You're welcome for our comment. We're glad to have landed on the best bits. Ooh, a Turkish carpet. Let us all make ourselves comfortable and fly to Turkey, quaffing mulberry juice en route (^v^)
Cheerie,
F & (^v^)
You're welcome for our comment. We're glad to have landed on the best bits. Ooh, a Turkish carpet. Let us all make ourselves comfortable and fly to Turkey, quaffing mulberry juice en route (^v^)
Cheerie,
F & (^v^)
