Haiku Train

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
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Amadis
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Sat Nov 19, 2022 12:59 pm

at dusk from the scrub
Bunyip circle us
Children of weeping mothers
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Amadis
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Sat Dec 24, 2022 9:28 am

Children of weeping mothers
flowers of future
See the dawn as new life grows
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Lia
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Wed Mar 01, 2023 7:35 pm

see the dawn as new life grows?
a flare of rose-light
morning's flutter of young hearts
Ryder
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Sat Mar 04, 2023 11:37 am

morning's flutter of young hearts
unborn thoughts like airborne seeds
through still summer days
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CalebPerry
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Tue Mar 07, 2023 6:39 am

The world is a pond,
but the pond has grown so large
everyone is lost.
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If you don't like the black theme, it is easy to switch to a lighter color. Just ask me how.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.
Macavity
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Tue Mar 07, 2023 8:13 am

Hi Caleb,
This is a haiku 'train' :
Start your haiku with the last line of this one, try to make it relate somehow. Then the next person will do the same to yours.
Bw

Phil
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CalebPerry
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Tue Mar 07, 2023 1:49 pm

I'm sorry. I thought it was just a place to post haikus. I should have examined the thread more closely.

The next person who posts should ignore my haiku, or you can delete it.
Signature info:
If you don't like the black theme, it is easy to switch to a lighter color. Just ask me how.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.
Ryder
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Sat Mar 11, 2023 1:10 pm

Everyone is lost
and they clog up the stairwells
white knuckle hand rails
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Lia
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Sat Mar 25, 2023 11:14 pm

(Just connecting up the train, Ryder)


(Ryder)
morning's flutter of young hearts
unborn thoughts like airborne seeds
through still summer days

(Lia)
through still summer days
we cool like frogs in bright pools
the world is a pond

(Caleb)
The world is a pond,
but the pond has grown so large
everyone is lost.

(Ryder)
Everyone is lost
and they clog up the stairwells
white knuckle hand rails


…......

white knuckle hand rails
will lead the slow-footed steps
door gasps up ahead
Ryder
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Sun Apr 16, 2023 12:16 pm

door gasps up ahead
a robot silhouette
hum of a laser
Macavity
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Fri Jul 14, 2023 7:09 am

hum of a laser
that zaps a parasite horde
and saves the planet
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Lia
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Sun Aug 20, 2023 4:24 pm

and saves the planet
and sighs the homestead and fen
woods echo the wren
Macavity
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Wed Aug 30, 2023 7:08 am

woods echo the wren
a feisty challenge perhaps
a habit of joy
Ryder
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Fri Sep 08, 2023 2:22 pm

a habit of joy
an ode to it even trees
list to the maestro
ton321
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Fri Sep 22, 2023 12:32 am

list to the maestro
that sounds like bubblegum
always popping off
Counting the beats,
Counting the slow heart beats,
The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats,
Wakeful they lie.

Robert Graves
Ryder
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Sat Sep 23, 2023 3:41 pm

always popping off
caps in our asses while we
go about business
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Lia
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Thu Oct 05, 2023 8:32 am

go about business
that is ours and not our own
the mind made fallow
Macavity
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Wed Oct 25, 2023 7:17 pm

the mind may follow
maps but river willows sway
a meander stroll
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Mharr2000
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Sun Oct 29, 2023 3:03 pm

A meander stroll
through the leaves dropping off trees
cold winds bring forth change
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Mharr2000
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Tue Oct 31, 2023 8:54 pm

Cold winds bring forth change
Time to find your woollen hats
Maybe a scarf too!
Macavity
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Wed Nov 01, 2023 7:04 am

Maybe a scarf too
of clouds across the canvas
with snowcap mountains
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Mharr2000
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Wed Nov 01, 2023 7:27 pm

With snow cap mountains
Add fir tres and the sky too
Makes a scenic view
Ryder
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Sat Nov 18, 2023 12:38 pm

Make a scenic view
or offer shade to the dead
glooms of the yew tree
Macavity
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Thu Dec 07, 2023 9:43 am

glooms of the yew tree
cloth nameless stones being dug
up for new build homes
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