Haiku Train

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
Boat
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Sat Jun 11, 2016 2:22 pm

Good for chewing too
preferably after dark,
fangs aint what they used to be.

Edit: I've messed up. Which has led to Pauline messing up. My fault entirely. I finished my last line with seven syllables instead of five...I'm a twit. :oops:

Can I change the last line to 'with my dentures in'?
Last edited by Boat on Sun Jun 26, 2016 10:48 pm, edited 2 times in total.
What the hell do I know about poetry?
Pauline
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Sun Jun 26, 2016 10:03 pm

Fangs ain't what they used to be.
Sugar stole my smile.
There's not a bar in the grate.
ton321
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Sun Jul 24, 2016 3:02 am

There's not a bar in the grate.
Rain has issued its final demands-
wet leaves like letters.
Counting the beats,
Counting the slow heart beats,
The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats,
Wakeful they lie.

Robert Graves
Boat
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Wed Jul 27, 2016 8:14 pm

Wet leaves like letters,
like letters soaked in fat blood.
High cholesterol.
What the hell do I know about poetry?
Katherine
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Sun Aug 21, 2016 9:23 pm

High cholesterol –
A new thing to scare us all,
back in the 80's.
nar
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Tue Aug 23, 2016 8:39 pm

Backin' the eighties
stars was brilliant, better than
Sat alight of Love...
War does not determine who is right - only who is left. (Bertrand Russell)
k-j
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Wed Aug 24, 2016 2:58 am

Sat alight of Love:
tell Emma tree is fruiting
like a mushroom farm.
fine words butter no parsnips
Boat
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Thu Sep 22, 2016 7:17 pm

Like a mushroom farm,
just keep piling on the shit.
Sit and watch 'em bloom.
What the hell do I know about poetry?
trobbo44
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Mon Sep 26, 2016 10:34 am

Dog upon my lap
Cat purring in the corner
Goldfish swims in bowl
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TonyMac
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Location: Leicester UK

Sat Oct 01, 2016 7:31 pm

Goldfish swims in bowl
each time he passes a rock
says that's a surprise
All that I had I brought,
Little enough I know;
A poor rhyme roughly wrought,
A rose to match thy snow:
All that I had I brought.
(Ernest Dowson 1867 - 1900)
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Crayon
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Location: Betwixt marshes, Kent, UK.

Sat Oct 15, 2016 7:42 pm

Boat wrote:Like a mushroom farm,
just keep piling on the shit.
Sit and watch 'em bloom.
sit and watch them bloom
till the ages weary truth ~
remembrance condemns
wisteria
glares mauve ~
sleepless dawn
Pauline
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Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:20 pm

Remembrance condemns
your slurred whisperings of love
as a health hazzard.
k-j
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Wed Nov 16, 2016 6:07 pm

As a health hazard
it's hard to improve upon
eating yellow snow.
fine words butter no parsnips
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Crayon
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Thu Nov 17, 2016 3:45 am

eating yellow snow ~
a gateway habit that ends
in golden showers
wisteria
glares mauve ~
sleepless dawn
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JJWilliamson
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Sun Jan 08, 2017 10:30 pm

In golden showers
I placed my frizzante trust.
It's piss poor vino.
Long time a child and still a child
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Crayon
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Location: Betwixt marshes, Kent, UK.

Mon Jan 09, 2017 5:54 pm

it's piss poor vino
for the remains of our days ~
celebration's end
wisteria
glares mauve ~
sleepless dawn
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JJWilliamson
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Tue Jan 10, 2017 7:41 pm

Celebration's end
toss pots and mornings brighten
shake their heady days
Long time a child and still a child
sphynx
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Wed May 31, 2017 3:59 am

shake their heady days
of ale and debauchery -
now their taps are bare
bjondon
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Thu Jun 08, 2017 2:33 pm

now their taps are bare
uncloaked messages spilling
from my crystal set
Macavity
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Joined: Tue May 10, 2005 10:29 am

Sat Sep 16, 2017 8:10 pm

from my crystal set
fractured faces fire islanders'
fears of winter nights
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sleepystupid
Posts: 22
Joined: Sat Aug 08, 2015 6:37 am

Thu Oct 12, 2017 3:15 pm

fears of winter nights
deciduous signs, beware
they always know first.
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Luce
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Fri Nov 03, 2017 6:30 am

they always know first
when to hatch or stay low
in the still water
"She acts like summer, walks like rain." - Train
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sleepystupid
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Fri Nov 03, 2017 7:13 am

in the still water
an ingress of chemicals
we reap what we sow.
Macavity
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Fri Nov 03, 2017 4:29 pm

we reap what we sow
in graveyard soil made fertile
with bone symmetry
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JJWilliamson
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Fri Nov 03, 2017 5:01 pm

With bone symmetry
the three bears construct
a grisly house.
Long time a child and still a child
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