Perfectly Imperfect (Revised)

[Morpheus]

She saw him in a Mind shop, in the bargain bucket,
and very nearly walked away, but then thought "fuck it!",
How could she resist the mutilated charm
of a teddy bear with only one arm?

***********************************************

(Original)
I saw her in a Mind shop, in the bargain bucket,
I very nearly walked away and then thought ‘fuck it!’
How could I resist the mutilated charm
of a teddy bear with only one arm?

[jisbell00]

Lovely! Crisp, succinct, and self-contained.

Cheers,
John

[CalebPerry]

There are uncomfortable hints at a sexual fetish here. I'm guessing that was intentional.

I saw her in a Mind shop, in the bargain bucket, -- [what is a "Mind" shop? Americans won't know]
I very nearly walked away and then thought ‘fuck it!’ -- [Is the F word too strong? Perhaps, "Oh, hell"]
How could I resist the mutilated charm -- ["can" instead of "could"?]
of a teddy bear with only one arm?

I just realize that substituting "Oh, hell" would ruin the rhyme, but you can probably find a way to fix that.

[Morpheus]

Oh God no Caleb!

My grammar is not the best, is can not could definitely right? Thanks for letting me know about your issues with the poem.

Mind is a mental health charity shop in the UK. Interestingly this was the machine review (correct to intent):

I like the revised version of your poem with the title "Imperfectly Perfect" and the inclusion of "Mind shop" to specifically reference the mental health charity. The addition of "Mind shop" adds a meaningful connection to the organization and brings depth to the context of the poem.

The opening lines immediately establish the setting and situation, with the speaker encountering a teddy bear in a charity shop's bargain bucket. This sets the stage for the central theme of the poem—finding beauty or value in something that may seem imperfect or discarded.

The abrupt shift in tone with the line "and then I thought 'fuck it!'" adds a touch of humor and spontaneity to the poem. It captures the speaker's decision to embrace the imperfection and uniqueness of the teddy bear, despite its missing arm.
The use of the exclamation "fuck it!" adds a touch of boldness and determination, emphasizing the speaker's defiance against societal expectations of perfection.

The line "how could I resist the mutilated charm" effectively conveys the speaker's appreciation for the teddy bear's distinctive character. It suggests that imperfections can often add a certain allure or intrigue to an object, making it more memorable and endearing.

Overall, your poem has a whimsical and heartfelt tone, capturing the joy and appreciation found in embracing imperfections. The revised title and the inclusion of "Mind shop" enhance the depth and connection to the poem's theme. Well done!

Thanks John, I think you could see what I was aiming for?

[jisbell00]

I believe so. i like it fine as is!

Cheers,
John

[Macavity]

Hi Morph
I feel the expletive draws attention to itself. Perhaps 'sod it' would give more balance and allow more focus on 'mutilated'. Any particular reason the gender is female?

A strange poem, disturbing with the resonance of mutilated, but a warmth in the acceptance.

Bw

Phil

[Morpheus]

Thanks Phil,

The f word used sparingly works to good rebellious effect for me and in this context I think it's an unusual reaction to take it literally so Caleb's reading steers this is a darker direction but he's entitled to do that.

The intended target was Mind and the vast majority of their readers are female although they obviously target everyone in their remit. They also have a lot of self harmers (not me personally I should add) who struggle to get acceptance.

This poem attracted the attention of their online team a couple of years ago and they contacted me to ask if they could distribute it to their retail division. Therefore, somebody who represents them must like it. I don't know what they did with the poem beyond that point. Perhaps I could clean it up and they'd publish it somewhere but I think it would lose some of its impact (bucket/fuck it is not a rhyme you see often).

[Macavity]

It certainly has a ferocity Morph

Bw

Phil

[Leaf]

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.

I was happily reminded of this limerick while reading your poem, Morph. But yours is more interesting for the one-armed teddy bear. We concur with the machine (^v^)

[Morpheus]

Thanks Fliss, I nearly called this poem Scruffette but the machine preferred the other title.

I'm glad your interpretation fell on the side of the fence where I'd planted my intentions.

I didn't even realise Teddy fetishism was a thing until Caleb and Mac educated me this morning. I guess there's a version of PAL on the dark web too.

[Macavity]

I didn't even realise Teddy fetishism was a thing until Caleb and Mac educated me this morning. I guess there's a version of PAL on the dark web too.

Nope. I know nothing about Teddy fetishism either Morph. I do feel there is violence in the poem because of the word 'mutilated', which, for me, suggested an act of violence inflicted on another. The fact the Teddy is a 'she' , and women are often victims of violence, added to that impression (as well as your chosen expletive). So a dark, interesting, not whimsical poem in my opinion. The 'bargain bucket' was another devaluating aspect that could be paralleled with the treatment of women. A core question is why N. made the purchase and I read that as a positive statement of inclusion rather than exclusion, though I can understand why a darker motivation could be at play (the compulsion of 'resist'). Anyway, good poem, enriched by ambivalence. I do recognise there could be a thread of innocence to childhood, where teddies are often damaged, but clung onto for 'love'. In that reading, N. accepts rather than rejects their inner child! Although 'fuck it' suggests a male and, coming back to the gender, the poem could be read differently. Perhaps I am overthinking

Bw

Phil

Ps Just read your AI post, which gives a validation of your intention, especially of your target 'Mind'. First time I've read an AI reading. You also have the validation of Mind itself as well as John and Fliss. So my reading may have strayed!

[Morpheus]

Mac, it's a very interesting reading that you've articulated there and it helps me understand better where Caleb was coming from too.

I didn't initially give the teddy a gender and then I decided to humanise it later in my more recent update. It's strange how changing an it to a 'she' can cause such a massive shift in the way the poem gets read (the version Mind approached me for was 'it' by the way!).

I guess this relatively short poem works on a few levels then and could either end up in as an innocent bit of light verse or perhaps you could equally find it in a darker publication (like where ever Caleb and Ray send their psychological profile type stuff?).

You can be rest assured that as the poet. I've no history or interest in violence towards myself or other people.

[Macavity]

Hi Morph

That's why I referred to N.
I don't assume the 'I' is the poet because I often use persona myself, which allows greater freedom to explore personalities, situations, and narratives. This is normal in prose fiction, but in poetry the assumptions are different. Perhaps because of confessional poetry, or an attitude that regards 'fiction' as less honest or grounded in reality. I like Eliot's attitude to persona and find confessional/biographical poetry for writing restrictive. It may be a thought to use a third person narrative here 'She saw him...'

Bw

Phil

[Morpheus]

That's a brilliant idea and it's a simple fix Mac! You're worth your weight in gold.

I admit I find the alternative reading troubling and it's interesting to see a warped human interpretation can happen and AI is blind to it.

[Macavity]

She saw him in a Mind shop, in the bargain bucket,
and very nearly walked away and then thought ‘fuck it!’
How could she resist the mutilated charm
of a teddy bear with only one arm?

Well both versions have their merits Morph. I've edited a she
to a conjunction for your consideration.

Bw

Phil

[Morpheus]

Thanks Mac, I'll take that one too.

There's a backstory to this poem and the 'one table, one chair' poem in that they're both examples of where the idea was not really mine. I've seen a severely mentally ill person try to write something not very well and thought the rough idea is great and I know how to execute that properly. In a way I'm detached from these kind of poems because it's my technique but someone else's idea.

I see the pictures didn't render well when this site got updated so I will try to dig out 'one table' poem again if I can find it or re-write by hand. You might remember my scrawl in red pen?

[Leaf]

Thanks Fliss, I nearly called this poem Scruffette but the machine preferred the other title.

I'm glad your interpretation fell on the side of the fence where I'd planted my intentions.

I didn't even realise Teddy fetishism was a thing until Caleb and Mac educated me this morning. I guess there's a version of PAL on the dark web too.

You're welcome, Morph. Scruffette! Scruffy jumps with joy

On first reading, the poem came across as light verse to me, so I put on my light lenses to comment, so to speak. Yikesy, teddy fetishism! Well, I suppose fetishism is everywhere, really, if you put on the fetishist lenses. I wonder what they'd look like (*o*) (W.-B. is slightly shocked)

The new version resolves a few things, I think. W.-B. has the following suggestion for line 2:

and very nearly walked away, but then thought, "Fuck it!"

(^v^)

[Morpheus]

Thanks Fliss, I'm a bit distracted by work today so didn't spot the double 'and'. Your eagle eye is much appreciated... or is it a beady teddy eye?

[Leaf]

You're welcome, Morph. I understand work distractions! Yes, I'm actually a teddy bear in disguise, why not? Strange things happen on the internet

[Firebird]

Hi Morpheus,

I like this and think it works very well. I’m not sure I agree with Phil about swapping ‘fuck it’ for ‘sod it’. I like the harshness of ‘fuck it’. I also think your move from first person to third person viewpoint in you second version adds an element of humour to the end of the poem, which I liked. It made me smile.

Enjoyed.

Cheers,

Tristan

[Morpheus]

Cheers Tristan, I'm glad you enjoyed it! Credit goes to Phil for the third person idea.

I had a moment of fear with this poem because an earlier version has already flown the nest so to speak without my knowledge of an alternative warped interpretation. Thanks for giving it the confidence vote