Not a Haiku

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
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NotQuiteSure
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Tue Feb 23, 2021 1:04 pm

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not a haiku


nothing to do
takes time
getting out of bed


.
Last edited by NotQuiteSure on Tue Feb 23, 2021 5:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Firebird
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Tue Feb 23, 2021 3:01 pm

Hi Not,

I kind of want some type of punctuation at the end of the first line. What do you think? Or alternatively you could just start the poem with a lowercase letter and leave it without any punctuation at all. Personally, I think that would work better and maybe make the title all lowercase too. I think it’s more a senryū than a haiku. It’s more about human nature than an image relating to nature.

Cheers,

Tristan
NotQuiteSure wrote:
Tue Feb 23, 2021 1:04 pm
.
Not a Haiku


Nothing to do
takes time
getting out of bed


.
.
NotQuiteSure
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Tue Feb 23, 2021 5:44 pm

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Hi Tristan,
thanks for the read and the suggestions.
Yes, I think all lowercase and no punctuation would do.

Regards, Not

(tweaked accordingly)


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Wed Feb 24, 2021 2:33 am

Catchy senryu.
NotQuiteSure
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Sat Feb 27, 2021 6:10 pm

Poet wrote:
Wed Feb 24, 2021 2:33 am
Catchy senryu.
If you say so :) I'm sticking with 'not a haiku' (just to be on the safe side)

Thanks for the read.
Regards, Not

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