Poetry Forum

A good write Sean, smoothly written, one that engaged this reader.

best wishes

Mac

generous words Sean and much appreciated

cheers

mac

Thanks Caleb. This is a tanka I've been struggling with for months :cry: It relates to the Tsunami, but without the news topicality I think it loses potency. One of the problems is the title, which was originally used for irony. The title just doesn't open a door now. Not sure about 'clenched teeth'...

I guess I could mend the limp line in question...two words...both featuring the f word! I guess in some ways the F word is the voice of the inarticulate and the impact is dulled. The publisher who's proposing to publish this however, is well known for family values, so there again..... Well comprom...

Enjoyed this. I like Adamant/Emphatic as they are (italics would dilute - only a visual thing anyway) 'that sort of thing' - I'd keep it, like the sardonic tone 'Not enough for this farmer' let it be blunt, no need to compromise, I'd keep that too The last stanza is pretty, but is saved by the grit/...

Strong opening, I like the napkin as well. Liked the chipped notion and the defiant stain too. Must admit didn't connect with dribbles - perhaps because I don't see it with 'race'.

cheers

mac

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Entertaining Sean. I particularly liked the bit about the staff. 'and tell the judge to just get lost ' - perhaps a little limp?

cheers

mac

Besides letters never convey that pause,
the hesitation between wet and dry cotton

like that opens up the space for the reader

cheers

mac

Coral antlers scratch on the hull

Many pleasures, but I thought that one of the tastiest.

cheers

mac

Thank you Arco, though a narrative is buried there too. :0)

cheers

mac

Enjoyed the sonnet Caleb. 'honeyed copper' is a lovely phrase.

best wishes

mac

Thanks for stopping by Caleb. The poem's a bit subterranean, centring around child and mother relations. Wrote it after watching Tarkovsky's 'Mirror'...notice someone else on the forum enjoys the Russian too.

cheers

mac

Lots to enjoy about this Camus, not just because trees are a fav. subject.
I like the way the picture develops, the object is animated by its relation to other things.

flies
inspect incipient sores, burn their
shitty little feet, tumble into you

Great cameo of decay.

cheers

mac

This place bristles with
My weight upon its posture

Like the sense of affrontery.

cheers

mac

Enjoyed the poem Leslie, good last line.

cheers

mac

...

Loved the subject matter, 'myths have elusive habits' was nice, not sure about the line endings - prefer to see the focus on more interesting words there rather than 'the', 'and' etc.

cheers

mac

hits the targets for me pseud

his metaphor keeps him
vague inside the cage

guilty, but I'm working on it


'his poem gyrates in a microwave'

visited a few of those places

cheers

mac

'Half mummified in future glass, is how I see them. You may say half sunk in sand. Both have potential.' Like these lines: projects the mind beyond the present, defines a moment, the confines of past. 'potential'/'half' sense of transience/change. 'mummified'/'future' - signifies end of life/preserv...

lol cam

'deep' moi?

just an eco poem - mainly

cheers

mac

Enjoyed your poem Thomas, the idea of doodling was a good, the mix of beginning line capitals and capitals for punctuation was a little confusing.

best wishes

mac

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Enjoyed the poem. Liked the last line, telling me of lost childhood/lost ball.
'involving time and monetary cost' at first I thought this too telling, but the perception of 'time' and 'money' further defined age/experience.

cheers

mac

hi pseud

Repetitive forms are not my thing, but I enjoyed some of your diction choices ~ copper/oxidates, 'lawn decor' ~ science marches on...

cheers

mac