Poetry Forum

David wrote:Actually, you're right, the rhythm is nothing like, is it?

- Thank God for that, David - You've had me looking in mirrors!

Thanks Ray - Well that's two against Scrooge's armies - Will corporate armies do instead?

Merry Christmas to everyone

Barrie

What a mind! It certainly held my attention - fascinatingly funny. I'm a technohope as well - all I can do with my mobile phone is answer it and dial a number. Text language/spelling really gets on my tits! The rhythm was a bit lumpy but it's too bloody long to scan. One bit that does need sorting i...

I like the poem, but I can't say that I fully understand it. I get the feeling that it's a sort of ancestral baton passing. your boots tangled in the tale-ends of ancient arguments. - This suggested the right-to-roam protests of the Thirties, although I don't think it is. The map is water-marked, th...

Thanks David - When icicles hang by the wall And Dick the shepherd blows his nail, And Tom bears logs into the hall, And milk comes frozen home in pail The rhythm seemed exactly the same. - Do you think so? The curfew tolls the knell of parting day, The lowing herd winds slowly o'er the lea, - I had...

a wooden gym horse hiding Allied secrets.

a vaulting horse holding Allied secrets....?

Barrie

Less than nothingness
is more than infinity -
it doesn't exist

Thanks Ros - Thanks for telling me about the commas - I'm usually careful about punctuation. I suppose Scrooge had to relieve people of their money in order to hoarde it - he charged high interest rates. Thanks Jimmy - First the commas, now the doubling up of gloves - I'm getting sloppy. Gloves shal...

...and I can't take it,
there's not much there anyway -
offer me some more.

This is your second haibun, isn't it? I'll agree and disagree with Kim - I thought orange tang not only sounds good, it looks good, too. On the otherhand 'dolly heaven' was a bit too much for me.
The ending was really good, very believable.

nice one

Barrie

I'll go along with k-j on this - except I don't like the end line. It doesn't read quite right to me. everything but what I was looking for - I can't help but want to read except instead of but . The twelve lines before the couplet are really good - just the ending that let it down for me. nice one ...

I'll use a cliche - From the sublime to the ridiculous, and that includes the rhymes (Mable/table - dear me). Still, it carried me along like a big, disorganized, family Christmas - I'm not sure whether I miss 'em or not. I suppose when your not there, you want to be, and when you are there, you don...

Over Will Shakespeare
hung the Sword of Damocles:
should have been a play.

When greedy gloves are thrust into my face by wailing songsters carolling for blood, a fox beset by hounds in solstice chase, I'd bite their grasping fingers if I could. Poor turkeys gobble on in fevered flocks, then scratch their way through crowds to market stalls and pecking out the choicest scar...

It's just good - What else can I say, except that it's a good sonnet, too?

plaintive plagency - I'll remember that one.

The last two lines reminded me of The Egyptian Book of the Dead.

It brings back memories of my father's death - I was with him when he died at home.

Excellent

Barrie

ray miller wrote:I couldn't figure out 19:14, not being that familiar with till receipts.

- I thought that was the time.

What time is it, Eccles?

Mississippi from Tell Tale Signs: The Bootleg Series Vol.8.

most excellent.

I recognized this straight away - I liked it then and I see no reason to change my mind - I still like the pun on 'tillery, too - A damn sight better than the one's I've been reading in Poetry Discussion.

Good idea to re-work it.

nice one

Barrie

Thanks Elph - The Eve's Serpent thing is just a symbol of Eden (personally I think the interpretation of the myths all wrong, but there you go) - I had a crab apple on a rocky outcrop in mind and it's crying out for a lurking serpent - It's just outside Kendal though, so the location's all wrong. Th...

stuartryder wrote:punk write eerier

I think you should pop along to your local BPA in Sheffeild. This is nearly as bad as Manxy's.

dear, dear....

Stuart - See the topic in Any Other Business, post your replies there.

Thanks, boys for the masterclass in stiff-upper-lip minimal English poetry, but I'll choose to ignore your advice this time, because that's Ok with you. - You can't resist the snide comment, can you? You're not worth bothering with - better add me to your ever growing list of people you choose to a...

This Ebeneezer
is A Christmas Carol's Scrooge,
by old Charles Dickens.

We are given dreams,
some of them become nightmares.
Ask Ebeneezer.

Thanks Geoff - I can see your logic here, I have a thing about missing articles, too, I must admit, and I don't think Pleiades sounds right without the article. Alternatively, I think solstice moon sounds better without one , especially as a lead in. I don't always use an article with frost , or sno...

Very entertaining trilogy, Leslie.
Francesca's clinical, but Cynthia's still my favourite.

Barrie