Poetry Forum

Thanks, Ray - glad it's a bit clearer for you.

Thanks for coming back, Not. I agree that part makes up the numbers - but making up the numbers is important, or the 5% is meaningless. The metaphor is that the narrator is only finding echoes of themselves in it. But I'd agree this isn't there yet!

Ros

I've had a go. Hmm.

bjondon wrote:Hi Ros,

this piece has stuck in my mind for the last three weeks

Julian

That's about the nicest thing you could say, Julian! Welcome to PG! I'll take your comments on board. And thanks, David, too. I'll see if I can push this in the right direction.

Ros

Stating the obvious, obviously. I don't know what happened to PG over the weekend, but thank to whoever fixed it!

Ros

Enjoyed, but I wondered about a dilettante having such depths -surely the point is that they are someone who only acquires superficial knowledge. The mention of non sequiturs fits with that, but not something so deep you'd have to immerse yourself?

Ros

Nicely done - I think the stresses and rhymes work well and the story's great. The line break here

to find inside/a record collection

is perhaps a bit strained - I'd expect the inside to remain attached to its object.

Ros

Oh no! Are they on the nick at Asda, pushing the goodies through the daughter/sister? It all fits. The arrest, or lack of it due to Flynn's blind eye, and the stocking up on certain dearer items. Even the wellies could conceal a thing or two. And there was me thinking the family were out in force t...

David wrote:Well done Tristan. A good place to be.

I believe the editors can be very difficult.

Cheers

David

They are real sods. It shows the value of persistence!

(I know you're a fan of the short poem, but I'd like to see you get your teeth into something longer, something where the implications of the metaphor are discussed and developed).

My opinion would be that if you're going to reference Blake them you do need rather more to back it up, preferably in a Blakean style. I'm afraid at the moment it leaves me feeling a bit 'yes, and?' (since we're being untimid!). Young animals test boundaries. Not sure it actually has much reference ...

Interesting, NQS. I think you need a closer rhyme for v1 - this far/liars doesn't work for me. Personally I feel if you're going for a fairly close rhyme scheme and a fairly formal poem it would be nice to keep the stress count consistent, too - ie. make it a properly metrical poem (with some substi...

I know!

It's all a matter of taste, I'm sure. I'm finding I have so much unformed rambling submitted to antiphon that I'm a bit relieved to find something where the poet has at least thought about the structure.

Ros

This has had a lot of reads, but no one's dived in. It's rather opaque to me. Taking a blood pressure measurement? But then circumscribing a territory vulnerable to all trespass and time seems rather over the top for saying something is round someone's arm. That's my interpretation of v1, but I get ...

I'm not sure I could write a poem without prepositions, auxiliary verbs, articles, relative pronouns. I'd agree that adverbs and adjectives are often avoided, but doesn't that just leave nouns and verbs? that's a bit limiting.

No, I meant Kay Ryan would pass the liking two-thirds of the book rule, so she's on my first list too.

James - redundancy? you really find that?

I like Kay Ryan too. She'd be on my 2/3rds list.

Ros

An interesting collaboration. Pity there's no hint of any of the poems they publish on the website to give an indication of what the books are like. Have either of you been involved in their previous publications?

Ros

Well done both. Looks good. Who is publishing it?

Ros

I think you're up the Herefordshire beacon. I like the details.

I like it with just the obvious meaning - it doesn't need anything more profound. It conveys love.

Ros

Do you think so, Seth? I was hoping to hone it down to those books people really rate. There are so many where I like a poem or two but feel that overall they don't add up to much.

Thanks Ray. Trying to stretch an idea too far, probably. But 100% is, as you say, at least something. Yes, I think you have the idea, Seth. It's not meant to be religious. I was thinking of someone so lost from the narrator that they would have to search everywhere for a sign. I'm not sure it's a po...

I like. I wonder if the mention of a bishop leads to an expectation that the poem is about something other than toes? If there's a secondary meaning, i'm not getting it.

Ros

Thank you for that, David! I agree, I'm often underwhelmed by modern poetry collections. I have quite a lot - many have a few poems I really like but not often more than that. We can I think get more modern than Hardy, though. I'm intending to read all I have in detail and will report back. Anyone e...