Poetry Forum

Hello smiffey, hay man it was just a corny joke, no need to saddle yourself with guilt. ray

there's a Dylan song called High Water Everywhere which maybe is what you're thinking of. the only other one I find it brings to mind is Shelter from the Storm. Like Barrie I can't pretend to understand what's being referred to but I like the first three lines a lot, the last stanza less so.

It's a great idea and well done. Are there such things as "ultra lifelike babies" designed for women who are missing something to love? I wish I'd known about them before we had six kids. After the explanation it all makes sense. I fear it never would have otherwise, though. Actually, I ca...

Elphin I can see what you mean about the poem not going anywhere. It was originally meant as a sort of Day in the Life of....but never got past morning medication! I'm always looking to explore humour, dark or otherwise. I don't agree that I should deliberately attempt to portray the subject as symp...

Hello, there's always a sense of both serenity and wonderment in your writing and this is a fine idea, this likening of self to place and you do it well. I especially enjoy "dust has thickened..." and "sun -dry the softness". I don't always understand what you're on about but thi...

Dreams' colour fades to silhouette, he tumbles to the safety net, he stumbles from the bed and curses God and Psychiatric Nurses. That plaintive cry thrown from afar slaps the silence where you are, and following, the jaundiced face that swiftly occupies your space. These encounters cannot be too br...

Hello Richard, I begin to wonder if you aren't under some sort of obligation to portray a dog per poem. I'd echo what Elphin has to say, first two stanzas excellent, good words, good ideas. Sand dunes collapse.......recycled christmas trees, I don't think it works well, but of course you must save t...

Hello smiffey and thanks for your response. Before this nonsense drifts off into a well deserved obscurity let me explain. It's King Caractacus, actually, a song or a verse which Rolf Harris popularised. In it there is repetitious use of the word "noses" which are often powdered. My poem i...

Hello, really enjoyable read, many subtleties and nicely understated. Maybe "whole" in second line is unnecessary. Especially liked cliff top drop but there is much to admire about the poem. The joys of parenthood,eh?

I like certain lines in this sufferers of romantic disbelief the bass drum raining thunder sound is very good and the final stanza is impressive. Problem is, other than a vague feeling of urban disillusionment, I cannot work out what it's all about. What am I missing? ray

I'm recalling Missionary Man and thinking what exciting times you enjoy just north of Newcastle - dogs everywhere! I liked this a lot "alone with my ups and downs" is a brilliant line. I do believe that swings go up and down as well as back and forth.Thought the rhymes of be, family, see w...

Metal and rubber apparatus with a single eye attached, is investigating the carcass lying prone and semi - detached. For the great good of diagnosis plastic tubes intrude bare behinds, penetrating mouths and noses, perpetrating privacy crimes. The sound of one ambulance siren, to paraphrase Ivan Ill...

Speaking as someone who knows rather too much about football than is good for him - or so my wife says - I think it's worth bearing in mind that the fans of every losing side invariably blame the referee and cry "fix". I should imagine there are few referees who have not received death thr...

Thanks for the comments, the trouble with this is I had two separate ideas in my head. I'm a mental health nurse and knew this chap, Ralph, who believed he knew the exact date he would die - I think the day is still yet to come .I happened to read Bleak House and was intrigued by the account of spon...

I devised a risk assessment to determine the likelihood of spontaneous combustion occuring in the neighbourhood to someone and always there has to be someone. the salient factors were rated and weighted: the width of the wallet the depth of the pocket the mark on the forehead the words of the prophe...

Why the capital letter for serpentine?A mistake? I assumed that the question is it for me? referred to the blade, it must be the culture I was raised in. I don't know why it should be assumed that the subject of the poem is any more malicious than the writer. Attempts to control or hide our anger ha...

Hello, this is clever and a pleasure to read. Though I too spent an appreciable amount of time wondering what cinnamon had to do with it. There's a couple of parts I don't understand damp starts seeping eastwards ? slidden? I cannot believe that is a word you hear in Birmingham, is it a word at all?...

I'm still not quite sure I understand this correctly even after perusing it several times. I originally thought that it was from a mother addressing the baby she had chosen, or been obliged, to give up. Now I think I understand it's from the, now adult, baby to the mother who forsook her. I find the...

I like this very much, there is an ever present feel of anger just below the surface. Tears welling up inside my throat is nice and poignant and I think the next line of I won't let them surface today is crucial to the whole poem. well done, ray

I second everything Tom said, thought this was really quite excellent though if it were mine I'd call it a can of worms. Who would have imagined Northfield as a breeding ground for poetry? ray

Thanks for your comments and I agree that it is something that needs to be spoken, listened to rather than read. I have plans to perform it at The Big Chill this summer if I'm allowed. I am shocked at the suggestion that Amy Winehouse should be lined up against the wall alongside the likes of Sting ...

It's good I think and it's a pleasant change to read a poem which doesn't require the deductive powers of Sherlock Holmes. I agree with what others have said about the "chorus lines", could be better. My own small suggestion would be to omit the word wild in between performing and beasts, ...

you should be grateful that he turned up at all! Went to see him in Cheltenham a few years back only to find he had cancelled and Martin Newell had been drafted in. He wasexcellent and kindly informed us that John was waylaid upon the planet Saturn-which we had kind of guessed. ray

I'm a Mental Nurse and I know about neurosis, maybe mine's got worse but nobody seems to notice. I'm at peace, it's believed, with each sister and brother, they don't see my heart bleed and the pain that I suffer! Like today, I'm in the office and I'm multi-tasking, I've got biscuits, coffees and a ...

It grows on you after a few reads to the extent that I found myself caring about the fate of this chap. I agree with David that " of none who care" has a clumsiness to it . Also(with the mind of a child)doesn't really add much and I feel it could do without. A humble creak is an interestin...