Poetry Forum

Hi I read on.... "egg, or eggs," more profound than the river I'd just traversed." Don't see the point of being ambigious here...an egg perhaps, or eggs....but "egg or eggs"? Was there such a fog of eggishness in the cabinet that you could not tell whether there was more tha...

Hi
small point..
"weeping buckets" is a cliche and though you immediately peddle to get away from it - by introducing a pond o tears - I naturally wonder: why then mention the bucket at all? Why introduce a cliche if you are only going to peddle away from it at the first chance?
Ant

hi I was referring to the reference in the text itself. Generally I am not fond of references to literary figures in poems - unless poem is about them - belongs in index I say. To press the point (ever so gently) does it matter for the poem that the figure mentioned is Rilke? If not, why introduce a...

Hi
For me the poem is weakened slightly by the reference to Rilke. It is a stray literary reference that is slightly distracting.

Hi all

Ant

Though I do like the image of the ball on a pump....brings out the small boy in me. (Daring to make it explode.)
Ant

Hi
Last two lines weaken it I think..."in dreams" rather tips it over into bathos when that point had not been reached before..
Ant

Hi string vs. net. Don't see why the shift to a string bag is better. "String" hints at string theory - and so sounds a bit more "physicsy", but I am not sure why that would make the metaphor any more apt. It may be worse - because a reader might think you have something to do wi...