Poetry Forum

Thanks for the positive responses, folks.

Barrie - I wish I'd thought of using "emetic".....

Caleb - you are spot on.
The last verse, with hindsight, is a bit OTT
and also clumsy.
Maybe I'll split it into two verses......

Cheers
Geoff

Cigar?
So George Burns really IS God!

This would make a great sketch, but methinks you've sold us short-

Where are the crooked shepherds and inept Wise Men gags?

Cheers
Geoff

What does "kawasemi" mean?

I've tried searching the web, and got the website of a martial arts dojo.

Hmmm.... Bushido, the Detachment of the Warrior etc.

This isn't just an ode - This is a gourmet ode Conceived on a Flight of Fancy in a hot-air balloon ,one afternoon, over the sun-kissed shores of Grand Cayman in a brainstorm by exhilirated, inebriated ad-men These are not just verses - These are expansive verses written with quills from organically-...

Yeah, fair comment. I've overdone it on the "ex" words, and overall I suppose it comes across more of a Victor Meldrew rant than the Les Dawson ramble that I intended. I should have written "Excited kids expected and received exorbitantly expensive gifts" on one line because I wa...

The embers of the dying year expire Excess time to kill in exile with the tribe before the winter fire fake as the foil tree Excited kids expected and received exorbitantly expensive gifts extorted on pain of tantrum but all too soon are bored and spill into the kitchen almost bringing to a standsti...

My all time favourite rhyme is from Lionel Bart's OLIVER:

"If you don't mind putting up with Fagin"
(It's a Fine Life! It's A fine Life!)
"Though diseased rats threaten to bring the plague in"
It's a Fine Life! It's A fine Life!)

Great stuff!

I like the rhythm of verse 2 and the alchemical-like(?) references.

The last verse seems ,by comparison, a bit "choppy" -
but this may be deliberate(?)
Anyway, that is nit-picking. Well done.

Thank you for the positive replies, folks
- much appreciated

Geoff

As I steered homewards through the snow at Yuletide's Eve, and having quaffed my fill at Ye Boar's Head, of ale and scotch was I accosted by Olde Bill "Hail fellow and well met!" I cried "Hast thou been drinking, knave?" replied the Sergeant of the Watch "Step forth now from...

Re: the competition.
If it's not too late, Yes please...

Thanks for your comment.
I hope I'm not offending any Shakespeare fans, just having some
fun with 16th century Cockney, wot is my natif tongue.
Yes, I suppose there's a bit of Bill Bailey in there, not to mention
Mr Pratchett.

As I steered homewards through the snow at Yuletide's Eve, and having quaffed my fill at Ye Boar's Head, of ale and scotch was I accosted by Olde Bill "Hail fellow and well met!" I cried "Hast thou been drinking, knave?" replied the Sergeant of the Watch "Step forth now from...

As I read this poem I was thinking "I can't make any sense of this!?" "Should I know who 'Owen' is"? Then I got to ------------------------------------------- if t(h)en (r)apes an (ad)age left to make Shakespeare worthless? ------------------------------------------- Is this a re...

Thanks for taking the time to read it and reply. What I'm hoping for is that some of the members of this site are primary-school teachers - they may be able to get some mileage from this nonsense. (You'll be dismayed to know that there's more of it) As Tommy Cooper used to say "I love kids - I ...

I hope this is an improvement: George Best - In gratitude --------------------------------- Off the pitch He burned the Roman candle at both ends. On it He was a November rocket. His flair was stellar - Once glimpsed Imprinted forever on the film of memory Replay it now - Crowd hush as he spins into...

Yes, I see what you mean. I rushed the poem a little as I wanted it to be timely. I had no intention of making a pun on "Stella" (truly!)- it's a "stellar flair" as opposed to a "solar flare", The "candle" was meant to tie in with "flare" and "r...

George Best - In Gratitude Off the pitch He burned the candle at both ends. On it He was a November rocket. His flair was stellar, Once glimpsed Imprinted forever on the film of memory Replay it now - Crowd hush as he turns on a sixpence accelerating away for all he's worth. Adrenalin rush. Watch hi...

Kenneth More?

Could this be a reference to "Reach for the Sky" in which he , too, was
legless?

I really liked this poem, too, especially the puns. It manages to be serious and amusing at the same time. If I have to make any criticism at all, it is to say that the last line (unlike the rest of the poem) is a tad unsubtle. How about something along the lines of "sitting on their thumbs&quo...

The Reluctant Goalkeeper ______________________ “Why must I be in goal?” said the goalie “Just standing in front of this net?” “Their number “8” can’t kick the ball straight” “I’ve not had a shot to save yet!” “Why must I be in goal?” said the goalie “It hurts when I dive on the ground.” “These glov...