Poetry Forum

Thank you both for your positives.

cheers

mac

Entertaining and amusing Cam. Personally my attempts are chipped at over a period of time, with the mind, seemingly, more imaginative as I drift to sleep.

mac

Nice animated descriptives, but thought the delivery of the last two lines clumsy.

mac

Good attempt. 'the' and 'they' are used three times, with so few words perhaps you could risk a modifier of two to enrich the lexis. There again that may be just my taste.

mac

These are steel hills, mosaic piled stone,
matchsticks and cigarettes, shattered bone.

The words are allowed to breathe, nicely paced. Not to keen on the alliteration used in the poem, too heavy handed.

mac

Agree with Cameron to an extent, but did enjoy the read, just need to tone the telling down a bit.

mac

Thanks for remembering Caleb.

I've revised for clarity

mac

'life on the doll' sounds an interesting proposal to me

mac

'mummy' and 'daddy' sounded twee, middle class

a tattoo poem I just read:


http://poetry.tetto.org/read/17940/

The last line I'd grade an 'A'

To deliver one great line is a lot in my book

mac

...

daddy's covered in tattoo's
mummy worked days in netto

not sure about 'mummy' and 'daddy', perhaps have the former having a choice tattoo or two, perhaps location/nature of tattoo would be interesting - saw this bloke in Asda with the tattoo 'mum' and 'dad' on his knuckles


mac

Another neat encapsulation J.

cheers

Pip

This is getting silly. I do not care about being original, I do what I do. :lol: There are certainly plenty of aesthetics floating around in the poetry world defining the quality poem, absolutes on good and bad, right and wrong, but then history is littered with literary movements and conventions o...

Poetic prose, chopped up prose, prose with line breaks...plenty on most poetry forums.

Does a poem need a metrical structure?

Personally I think anything goes


cheers

mac

with a wreath on her head.

made me think laurel

I hope I'll come back together again.

The allusion is fine, 'hope' sounded lame.

enjoyed the poem

cheers

mac

Cheers Caleb. I like that word 'metamorphosis'. I feel a title change coming....

mac

..

headlights works fine, ties in with the theatre

cheers

mac

'patrician' and 'doggy style' ~ nicely soiled


cheers

mac

the 'staccato forks' clinched it for me

cheers

mac

fool's mate is the quickest way of forcing somebody into checkmate

...only a beginner could fall for 'fool's mate'

cheers

mac

Liked it, thought it pretty.

cheers

mac

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